Maybe I'm missing something, but so far planning a wedding isn't consuming too much of my time or stressing me out whatsoever. Venue's booked, dress bought, bridesmaid dresses selected, and I've got recommendations for cake and flower vendors that I'll probably go with because they sound in my price range and I've heard/seen good things. I've picked out the centrepieces and place settings I want.
I'm not on any message boards, I'm not going to any bridal shows, I'm not getting a wedding planner, I'm not on the phone all day. As soon as I see something I like that's reasonably priced, I choose it.
I have to wonder again, though, about the power of autonomy. I'm doing most of this stuff myself and on the fly (With the Dude, too, of course, for anything not pertaining to ladies fashion) and only informing people of my choices after I've made my decision, not running anything by anyone else at any time. I don't need to ask permission, I don't feel unsure, I haven't been planning or banking on this day since I was a zygote.
Is that why this feels so matter-of-fact? Does most of the stress usually come from being a perfectionist or a people pleaser? Because I'm neither of those things. I'll cut corners if it doesn't matter. I'll say no if I think it needs to happen. Colour me Type B personality. Which is so weird because in several areas of life I am rather neurotic.
Like money. It will grate at me like an itch I can't reach if I'm in my overdraft even a few dollars. If I think I may not be able to pay my credit card balance in full, I will lose sleep. I'll start walking long and foolhardy distances to avoid paying for subway tokens, and not leave the house to prevent myself from needing to spend extra money. And you'd think planning a wedding, requiring lots of monies, would send such a person as me into a nervous fit. And yet here we are.
I love watching bridal drama and meltdowns on TV: the ones who fret over their dress and can't choose even after trying on about 25, the ones who cry because they want a waffle station and it's not in the budget, or the ones who are desperate to make an entrance and think they need fireworks, dove releases and smoke machines at varying intervals.
People are nutty, some more so than others, and I don't think weddings make otherwise normal people crazy. I think they only bring out what is naturally there. For example, if at any time you think any specific day in your adult years must be 100% about you and only you, then you are probably slightly unhinged in the mental department because that's not sensible or even possible because of the unalterable fact that other people do, in fact, exist.
But it's not as though I don't have some concerns. I do. I don't have a relationship with my father, and I plan to walk myself down the aisle, as I don't care to put on a facade on what is supposed a sincere and solemn moment in my life. I don't feel it'd be appropriate, and traditions can be discarded if they don't apply. I don't wish to have to explain myself for this, but I know I will have to, and be as vague or misleading about my reasons as possible.
Another concern is the guest list. In the hope of inviting everyone who matters to us, we can't afford to issue out plus-one invites to people who are single (as in not married, engaged or cohabiting, or at the very least in a serious and long-term relationship). That would add at least an extra 20 people, forcing us to remove actual friends from attending to make way for strangers.
Also, with 18 children to invite, and seeing as inviting some and not others would not sit well with many, we're not inviting any. 18 is the size of an industrial daycare, and again, even at a reduced cost for children, it would still mean not inviting adults we really care about. Not to mention, that many children or even half that many with all or most under the age of 8 would be too much chaos.
So I'm worried that people will bring plus-ones or children anyway. Because some people do that. And of course, like all brides before me, I'm preparing myself to handle calling those who do not respond to the invitation. And if everyone else's wedding is anything to go by, I'll be doing lots of that, I'm sure.
It doesn't feel like the Dude and I have been engaged two months. I suppose time really does fly.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
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2 comments:
I totally love the way you are with the whole wedding planning thing. You're doing what I think all brides should do. Sure, there will be some stress, but it doesn't seem an unhealthy amount. A wedding should never put you massively in debt or stress you out to the point where if one thing goes wrong, you melt down. Not what the day is about. I think it helps that you're planning it on your own. I know a lot of drama kicks in when families and such get involved. You're doing what makes you happy, but you realize the day isn't all about you. You seem to have found a good balance between the two.
As for your dad not walking you down the aisle, if anyone asks, just say it's a tradition you don't agree with. My friend Em walked herself down the aisle and she has a great relationship with her dad. She just didn't agree with "being given away." Not that it's anyone's business. You could chicken dance down the aisle if you wanted to.
People think I'm kidding when I say I wanna get married in Vegas. I'm not. I fully intend, if I ever do get married, to elope. Then have a big party. That way I skip the stress (and expense) of an actual wedding.
It's odd you say you realize the day isn't all about you but really it is, there's no one you are looking to please and no outside involvement. That alone gives you the freedom to have the wedding where you want, invite those you want, etc... a luxury most couples don't experience during the wedding planning process. Now hopefully your guests will respect your invitations and leave the kids and the dates at home. I find it so strange those who think it doesn't apply to them as their situation is so unique, especially with their children. Good for you on the no children they really don't belong at a wedding (can't imagine it's too much fun for them either).
Definately not having your father walk you down the aisle shouldn't be an issue in anyones eyes as at almost thirty and living on your own for so long it would be ridulous to have "him give you away" at this point regardless of your relationship with him.
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