Big Day

I'm pregnant.

I found out yesterday, and I kind of sat on it last night trying to figure out how to tell the Dude. I didn't mention it here because he reads this thing. So I took him out to dinner tonight to tell him. I thought he'd be happy, maybe a little freaked out, but mostly happy because he wants children. And I wanted to do it somewhere special. And I was nervous and I wanted to down a good hearty meal first.

So we went to the restaurant we had dinner at Valentine's Day '09. After dinner, I made a coy reference about eating for two. I paused, looked at him and waited to see if he understood. He was eating creme brulee and his spoon just suspended there in the air as he waited for the punchline.

I smiled and shrugged at him and his face went through about a dozen different expressions. But he looked happy and I asked him if he was okay. He said yeah, he was. He asked me all the expected questions: how far along am I, how long have I known, am I sure, am I happy, and so on.

So we're going to keep it and in November I'm going to be a mother. No Mexico, but that's fine. Mexico's not going anywhere. We popped into the grocery store on the way home so he'll have something to eat while I'm with my family for Easter (I leave after work) and it was so weird walking through the baby section with all the baby stuff.

When we got home, the Dude was really quiet. When I finally asked him to spill his beans and tell me what he was thinking about (I was afraid he was freaking out about the pregnancy), he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. He pulled out a ring he bought on the sly from a coin machine in the grocery store. I said yes.

It's been one hell of a day. I should call people, but I'll get to that tomorrow. Tonight I can't imagine making those calls.

Also, it's past midnight. It's late and it's April Fools Day.

Gotcha.

Les Internets

I booked all my travel stuff. I'm a goin' to California for a wedding in a month and a half! Wooo-ee! And due to saving up 90,000 Visa travel points equalling $450, I got a return plane ticket for $115. And then I booked a hotel room for $89 a night, after tax totalling $195 US. I can't believe how affordable this is.

Now, I've been on a message board for about three and a half years. I've been on less and less as fewer of the friends I've made are frequenting it and more are on Facebook. But in the earlier years, it was a lifeline for me. We all shared everything and got to know each other on this amazing personal level, and we argued with each other full force and then laughed about it later. Such is the power of the Internet.

I've met four of these friends in person, one is a Canadian in a neighbouring city, whom I get to see every few months. She's fantastic. Another is a professor in California who I've seen twice along with my fellow Canadian boarder on his academic visits to the city. Another is a good friend I got to meet in California (lots of Californians on this board) September '08 and we got on great and I wished we lived closer. And the last, who I actually met first when he was on a business trip he'd taken to Toronto, is getting married to a woman he met on the boards, and that's whose wedding I'm going to. I'm looking forward to meeting her in person too.

And as though it wasn't awesome enough to see these two get married (the groom is a really great guy and I've heard wonderful stuff about the bride from those who know her in real life), and being able to see my good friend again, I'll also get to meet more people from the boards.

I was 23 when I started meeting all these people. I'm in many ways a different person than I was, in the sort of way people are after a few years of personal growth. This board was in many ways a part of that growth. As I was adjusting to a new life and new apartment, new single status, new and rediscovered friends, I was connecting with these people. They know nearly all my personal secrets and feelings. And being in their company in real life has been a very calming experience because of that.

Most people in my life who know about the boards don't really get it. And I couldn't expect them to, really. They chuckle and shake their heads, possibly thinking I'm a little nuts. Maybe I am and maybe we are. But come May, we can all be nuts together as we celebrate a couple that the boards brought together. Like it or hate it, the Internet changes people's lives.

Here I go

My plans today revolve almost entirely around making travel plans. I've done this before, plenty of times. And yet every single time I do I feel nervous and unsure of myself. I've been to Cuba and the Dominican, which were easy because I didn't do it alone at all, and all-inclusive resorts are no-muss, no-fuss.

I've been to Ireland, which was through Contiki a few year ago. Awesome time, by the way. You buy the tour package, a plane ticket and then figure out a way from the airport to the hotel you need to be at. Then you're done.

I've been to San Francisco to meet up with a good friend who lives in California. That entailed buying a plane ticket and finding a hotel and getting there from the airport.

And then my ultimate trip was the three-week backpack through the UK when I was 21. This was a work of art, minus the fact I left my wallet at home, whoops. That's an entirely different story.

I had to book the flight, buy a rail pass online, research and reserve hostels and bed and breakfasts, research the directions I'd need to get from the train stations to my accommodations, and look into all the things I'd want to do beforehand so I wouldn't miss anything after the fact. I spent three weeks on this. I was also fresh out of college and an internship and unemployed, so I had nothing else more pressing to do.

And travelling alone for weeks in a foreign country when you're a single woman means you can't just wing it either. Your safety could be dramatically compromised. It's either plan, plan, plan or face the prospect of having to wander alone late at night with no one you know aware of where you are, looking for a place you can afford to stay, bogged down by all your travel gear.

And even with that behind me, something as simple as booking a flight and hotel for a two night stay in California for a wedding makes me go, "Eeeeeeek!" Not sure why. I'm excited and happy about going.

I remember when I was in college and I was taking the Go Train from Oakville to Toronto for the weekend to see a friend. I didn't have to ask permission or anything. And as I was sitting on the train I felt so grown up. And feeling like a grownup made me feel like a little kid. Kind of a reminder of how adult you felt about finally going to high school only to realize how young you were. Being excited about personal freedom only serves to show you how new it all is.

So I'm going to make some calls. I've got a plane and a hotel to book.

I don't get no, dun na na, satisfaction

I had a poor day of work today. I won't get into it too much, because I don't want to reveal my company or whathaveyou, but it was a trial. The subject matter of the show I worked on was painfully boring and obnoxious. Most days my job makes me happy. But today I entertained thoughts of sweet, sweet death. And tomorrow is to be more of the same, only a larger quantity of awful.

My evening has been spent napping, eating chocolate, watching shows I missed this week and feeling crabby. I regress a little when I'm grumpy or have had a bad day. Actually, I regress a lot. I really wanted to kick my feet on the ground like I did when I was a child. That would have felt great.

The day wasn't meant to be a good one, though, not even from the moment I woke up. Smokey got me out of bed early this morning with incessant meowing. Turns out he took exception to a dirty litter box. I took exception to the mess of poo he left on the floor. And just last Tuesday he missed the litter box and urinated all over the floor in the bathroom.

Basically, it's been a rough day. I'm pretty sure tomorrow I'm not going to want to wake up. If I were a bad employee, I'd call in sick. Blarghgh.

Siesta

I am a vibrant, energetic young woman. Seriously, I've been tired for so long I don't remember what it's like not to be tired. I get enough sleep each night, about eight hours. I'm eating better than I ever have in my life. Fruits and vegetables were not a major component in my childhood, but they are now. I get my weekly exercise via dance class and wherever I go, I do plenty of walking. There are no personal vehicles in my life. My weight is normal.

So what the hell? I'm exhausted. I feel like I need a nap. I feel foggy. Yesterday, for example, I got up after a full night's rest, had a shower and drank a tea. I still needed a nap before I went out after work. I was just too tired. I find it hard to wake up in the morning.

Maybe I need more fresh air? Maybe I'm lacking in certain vitamins? Maybe I'm missing something?

So I called the doctor for an appointment. They were going to see me in a few days, but then I realized I was due for a physical and I didn't want to have to make two trips. And then I wanted it on my day off because I don't like rushing around with my work to make appointments if I don't have to, particularly since I've been needing naps. So I have to wait a month.

Man, I could go for a nap right about now.

My cousin sent out her destination wedding info, so now the saving and paying can start. $1,500 a piece to go to Mexico. Is this what the Dude and I really should be spending our money on? Probably not. But we're doing it anyway. We've never travelled together. Funny thing, I've gone on tropical vacations with two other boyfriends in the past, and within months of those trips we've broken up. And on those trips there were beefs about how to spend the time.

I think the Dude and I would be fine, as we're happy and comfortable leaving each other alone, doing our own thing, and don't need an activity together to enjoy each others company. I could see him wandering about on side trips to take photos while I lounge by the pool with a drink and a book.

I wouldn't mind being tired in Mexico. Then my napping would be called a siesta.

Still Alice

And at last, the chronicle of the bathing suit is over. It's home, it's cute, it fits and I'm done paying out money for this to happen. I did a happy jig at the tailor's. Of course I won't know how truly good it is until I wear it swimming. But so long as I'm standing up dry, I look pretty darn cute in it.

Last night I read a book cover to cover. It was so powerful I could not put it down. It's called Still Alice and it's told from the perspective of an early on-set Alzheimer's patient as she begins to deteriorate. It's a terribly melancholy book, but well written and gripping.

I don't know anyone with Alzheimer's. No one in my family has ever had it. My grandparents are all dead now, and with the exception of my maternal grandmother, they all lived into their 70s, and with reasonably good mental facilities.

And yet I am somehow convinced I'll get it. That or cancer. Some people feel invincible, like nothing will ever happen to them. Not me. If anything, I think I'm overly aware of how random and unfair life can be when handing out health. I mean, I've had a number of ailments in my life that had I been born 75 years ago, I'd probably be dead by now. I just kind of feel it in my bones that I'm not going to become an 80-year-old some day. I could see living to 70 with some sort of dementia. But mostly I think something commonplace like a heart disease or cancer will get me before retirement.

How's that for doom and gloom?

The Dude, on the other hand, will outlive us all, and will likely attribute living so long to regular diet of bacon. I've never seen such an orderly body. Everything with him is like clockwork, his metabolism is fast, he never has trouble falling asleep and even the slightest workout adds muscle to his frame. And it's not like this is temporary. I've met his father.

His father drinks coke every day, eats what he wants and at about 5'6" probably weighs about 140 pounds. This same man fell down a flight of stairs while wallpapering, had the chair he was standing on tumble after him and puncture his lung, and the guy got up and finished the wallpaper job before driving himself to the hospital.

All in all, those are some enviable genes. The Dude doesn't like when I say I'm sure he'll outlive me. Some people don't want to even think about dying, but it doesn't upset me. Frankly, though, I find the idea of going first to be comforting. I don't like being left behind.

Yes they can.

So they passed healthcare reform in the United States. I'm not as familiar with American political systems as Canadian, but I understand this a huge deal. A vote went down and the Democrats pushed it through. Sounds like it goes to the Senate and then vrooom. Some change goes down.

I'm pretty happy for them. I can't actually fathom living somewhere I couldn't rely on being medically treated if necessary. I mean, I was out of work for six months after college. I didn't worry about healthcare even once. It was just a given. I know Americans aren't going to be given the same great deal we have here, but I'm comforted as a fellow human being that over 30 million people, a population the size of Canada itself, will no longer live without covered access to medical treatment. Cheers to that! Cheers to our neighbours!

I love when common sense and decency win out in the world.

And I found this cartoon, which is all nifty and relevant.

Though I'm pretty sure Smokey does feel this way.
Most house cats, probably.