Breastfeeding Propaganda

Formula Isn't Poison - Breastfeeding Propaganda Is

The above is a link to a blog post that says some very timely things about breastfeeding advocacy. Who hasn't heard breast is best? Everyone knows. People are so confident about this, and some so zealous to the point of turning virulent on the topic of formula, that life has changed for new mothers.

Breastfeeding is pushed. Formula is at first discouraged, but then demonized. You get breastfeeding advice at the hospital, but even if your baby is losing too much weight, formula is not brought up. Even after a C section, you are roomed with your baby, providing all the care, regardless of how little you may have slept in the many hours or even days surrounding your labour and delivery.

I know I was woken repeatedly by nurses to check on my vitals, when in fact I desperately needed rest. My milk wasn't coming in and no one told me I could supplement. All this in the name of being baby friendly. It was not mother friendly at all. And I'm inclined to think what is unfriendly to mothers is bad for babies.

In the blog post, the writer outlines how on the Ottawa breastfeeding website, it lists all the advantages of breastfeeding and all the disadvantages of formula feeding. Thus, you are left with a lopsided view and you can't help but feel like a crappy mother if breastfeeding has not worked out, or if you just don't want to do it.

I know the Toronto story as well. A public health nurse came to my house and asked me questions about how I was feeding my baby. I told her about my two-day induction, C section, delayed milk, hives, uterine infection and resulting low supply. I said I was on medication to increase my milk, was pumping after feeds and with the help of my aunt (Who was washing all the dishes, bottles and pump parts) was SNS feeding as well. But so far, my baby was still getting mostly formula.

Her response was at first a look of understanding, but then she suggested I pump around the clock every 90 minutes. Then she handed me pro-breast/anti-formula pamphlets and flyers. 

I was stunned. Every 90 minutes? I was recovering from surgery! I still needed help getting out of bed. I had just got home from the hospital where I'd been hooked up to an IV for two days, where I'd not even been allowed to bend my arm or else the machine would BEEP BEEP for a nurse to come in and rejig it. What about getting some sleep and recuperating? My aunt needed to sleep at night so she could help me all day and my husband was back at work, so after feeding my baby, or setting an alarm to wake up regardless if he needed to eat yet, I was supposed to pump and then also clean my pump, and then try to sleep in... what? 20-minute increments all night?

And somehow this exhaustion and stress would improve my milk production? And how about that precious bonding breastfeeding is supposed to promote? Increasing my risk for PPD with all that pressure to succeed while not sleeping at all, this will make me love my baby more? Huh. Because at that point I was teetering on the brink of emotional hell. The only thing keeping me afloat was my aunt, who I had another week with before I was on my own and I was hell-bent on using her help to get my ass caught up on sleep so I could be as well as I could be to handle my baby alone all day.

That was my reality. My body went hugely overdue. I gave the natural way every chance to get moving and nothing happened except growing a massive baby that got stuck in an favourable position with no signs of labour. This depleted me entirely. Aside from the swelling, my limbs grew very thin. Surgery and not being able to move wore my body out more. Getting sick and more bed rest while postpartum frazzled me.

And still, STILL! Why wasn't I trying harder to breastfeed? Why wasn't I choosing to not sleep in favour of boosting my supply for an undetermined and indefinite period of time?

The breastfeeding agenda that was pushed on me gave zero shits about my wellbeing, about helping me become more confident as a mother, or about acknowledging my feelings or situation.

The pendulum has swung too damn far in the other direction. Formula used to be de rigueur. Now breastfeeding is the sign of good mothering, anything else be damned.

There is a middle ground here. It starts with understanding not every woman will be successful at breastfeeding for a variety of reasons. Secondly, not every woman will want to do it, again for a variety of reasons. For those women who want to, they will need medical, familial and societal support to feed wherever and whenever they and their baby require, no being shamed into the bathroom. They need to know what to expect and how to problem-solve issues. For those who use formula, they need information how how to do it safely, what to expect, and what sorts of formula is out there and what the differences are, and how to choose a bottle that works.

True informed choice means acknowledging that formula is good for babies. A baby will thrive, grow and become indistinguishable from breastfed babies on formula. There are no antibodies and you have to pay for it, but there are lifestyle benefits which may increase quality of life for mom and thus her baby by proxy, as well as other family members. Every woman is capable of assessing these decisions herself with the input of relevant members of her household.

Most moms I've met are breastfeeders. I see them feed in public with a cover, with no cover, whatever; they're aiming for three months, six months, a year, a wait-and-see timeline; some are combo feeding, out of necessity or preference; some are exclusive pumpers.  I'm supportive of them all. 

The real moms I've met in the city are supportive of me too. If any in my regular group judges me for formula use, I haven't detected it. Things are easygoing and there's a live and let live kind of attitude. This group has grown very popular and everyone looks forward to it. It's inclusive and friendly. Public policy would be wise to take note. Inclusive attitudes towards differing choices mothers make creates a sense of community, which benefits everyone.

Breast is not best. It is marginally better when life allows for it to work out. It's not as catchy, but at least it's honest.

I Support You

World Breastfeeding Week is upon us and for those who are not raising babies, are done raising babies,  or are not in the business of caring for babies, this probably doesn't mean much. For those of us in the thick of it, it means quite a bit.

Since entering into the world of formula feeding, I've seen little support online. If I wanted to check to see if a certain mixing method was safe, I'd be faced with online opinions about how formula is poison, or how formula-fed babies only survive and not thrive, how breast is best. Not helpful. And hurtful, besides. Even my can of formula sometimes makes me feel bad.

I'm buying something I need to feed my baby
that tells me I'm making a lesser choice by buying it.

I've agonized over the way I feed Jack, slowly, very slowly letting go of breastfeeding and giving into my body's decisive stance that I would not be a source of food. I've quit the morning feedings entirely and I've stopped checking to see if I still have any milk trickling out. As far as I'm concerned, I've dried up.

Awhile ago I wrote the hospital and made a complaint about the care I received post-partum, about the stressful and too-long induction and the separation they forced on me from Jack when I had my infection, how I felt these things really damaged my ability to breastfeed. I got a response and really was able to get some of my pain out. It felt soothing.

And now there is a movement to support all mothers in how they feed their child. Breastfeeding moms who feed in public can face hardships from people who don't respect a baby's right to eat and a mom's choice to feed in a natural way ("Go to the bathroom or something. That's gross! I don't want to see that! You wouldn't poop in public, would you? So why would you breastfeed?") Formula feeding moms face criticism from people who believe everyone can and should breastfeed and feel this method is lazy and harmful to babies ("Breast is best. Breast milk is a baby's birthright. Motherhood means making sacrifices. You gave up too soon.")

The movement is I Support You. The rhetoric behind Breast Is Best has gone too far in that women who can't or don't breastfeed are being made to feel inferior. What is needed is not more promotion of breast milk, but rather support for it, real support. Where women can feel free to nurse wherever they and their babies themselves are authorized to be. Where in the hospital there are nurses and consultants who truly understand breastfeeding difficulties and how to overcome them. Where women receiving care aren't set up to fail.

But there's more. The professionals need to be able to recognize the times a mom would be better off throwing in the towel, whether she is developing postpartum depression from breastfeeding, or has insufficient glandular tissue (IGF), or a thyroid condition, or some other medical issue. These women need to feel like they have not failed. They deserve to know they are not at fault for problems beyond their control, that no amount of trying would work.

And for women who choose formula, because they understand their lives and obstacles better than outsiders do, because they've suffered sexual trauma, because they're struggling with their own concerns that are incompatible with breastfeeding, or who just cannot bear any further time spent with their bodies not being their own again.

This blanket approach to breastfeeding, that it's 100% natural and possible for all and every woman can do it is not just wrong, but getting in the way of women truly enjoying motherhood, because they're measuring their worth by their breast function. Fathers aren't treated this way. We understand they love their babies by how they care for them, that they can bond without breastfeeding, that their sacrifices don't have to include loss of bodily autonomy or perfect bodily function.

To the lactation "expert" at my hospital who said all women can breastfeed, while I was sitting there covered in hives and unable to carry my own baby post surgery: nuts to you, lady.

To the public health nurse who shamed my formula choices, feeding methods and suggested I pump every 90 minutes on top of nursing with a tube, despite healing from surgery and complications: nuts to you, lady.

To the perfect mothers out there who breastfeed with ease and can't understand why everyone else can't do the same: Nuts to you, too, though I support you in your breastfeeding and will always do so.

To the women who struggled with breastfeeding, overcame their issues and think all women should soldier through their own problems as well: Nuts to you, though I congratulate you on your success and support your right to breastfeed with pride anywhere you go.

To the women who are breastfeeding and are comfortable with their choice and the choices of others: I support you.

To the women who are pumping because their babies wouldn't latch, or their nipples needed a break, or their husbands wanted to feed the baby too, or because they're going back to work: I support you.

To the women combination feeding their babies with formula, nursing and pumped milk: Not only do I support you, but I understand you're living in the worst of both worlds. For as long as you keep this gruelling pace up, I support you. If you need to quit, I support you.

To my fellow formula feeders, for all the reasons we arrive at this place, without hesitation, I support you.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week

Slow Goodbye

My milk is nearly all dried up now. There's still a bit left. Every time my breasts filled up (Taking much longer each time), I would feed Jack rather than let it go wherever milk goes when it doesn't get consumed. Seemed wasteful not to. So it's been a very slow process, but completely pain-free in its slowness and also it's giving me a chance to let go slowly.

My low milk supply, unfortunately, didn't allow me to keep the morning feed very well. At first I had plenty for one good feed, but slowly it decreased until it was nothing more than a snack. Apparently my normal output is a pittance. I'd had an inkling that all the pumping I did all day was necessary to have a good supply in the morning, giving my breasts a good eight hours to fill after a day of being emptied of their meagre offerings every 2-3 hours.

Well, I was right. Jack's feeds got shorter and shorter until he was no longer consuming enough to lull him back to sleep. It was a mere appetizer and nothing more. And since continuing to lactate has had some undesirable symptoms for me, I decided that the tiny amount he was getting was just not worth it.

Oh, a lactivist might tell me it's "liquid gold," but I really don't think it is, not in such tiny amounts. I can't see that it's so wildly superior to formula that several millilitres will do any real good, especially not at the cost of my physical comfort.

My teeth were getting sensitive. When I stopped pumping, it improved and when I stopped the morning feed, it mostly went away. I found other women online who experienced this, so I know I'm not alone. Having a decent sex life has been proving challenging. My body has not responded well to the hormones, and even hormone replacements haven't improved my situation much.

I have no idea why my body has been so adverse to breastfeeding. But it's slowly ending. I may have already done my last feed.

It's a hard thing for me. It's pleasant to nurse my baby. If I'd had enough milk to feed Jack each and every time, even if I needed to take meds and herbs, it would have been meaningful for us both. I still hurt sometimes when I think of the loss. Though when I see his excited little face when he sees his bottle-- his mouth makes this O shape and his eyes light up-- I feel at peace with this outcome. He never showed nearly as much enthusiasm for my breast and my milk as he has for formula in a bottle.

And speaking of which, it's bed time. But I have to wash the bottles before I go to sleep.

No More Nursing: Day Five

I feel a number of things about nursing and my journey with it. I've been wondering what caused my issues. When it came to the delayed milk, was it the lengthy exhausting induction? The C section? My uterine infection? The separation from Jack while I was in the hospital? Did my hives signal a bad reaction to breastfeeding?

I think I may have actually been doomed from the start. When I was pregnant, my breasts barely changed. Oh, at first they got tender, but my large A cup only went up to a mid-sized B. This is a minor increase. And what I've been discovering, from extensive reading, this can signal a forthcoming production problem. I never became engorged. When my milk arrived, it only trickled in. I thought it was the result of health issues. But the lack of breast changes may actually have been the issue all along. I can't know for sure, but it's another consideration, and one that gives me strange comfort.

My body just plain screwed me, is all. And it's not the first time. I had four ear infections in my first year of life, then tonsillitis. Double pneumonia in childhood, followed my two bouts of kidney stones in my teens. In my early 20s I was treated to appendicitis and I developed IBS. My body simply does not give a shit, so I sort of wasn't shocked my body wouldn't go into labour. I mean, I was, but I can believe it. I had a nagging feeling it wouldn't happen around 42 weeks.

But I never doubted my ability to breastfeed. Pfft. Stupid me. Lactivists will tell you low supply is rare, that any woman can do it.

But I call shenanigans. My eyes don't need glasses, my pancreas produces all the insulin I need, my blood clots and my kidneys don't require dialysis. However, these bodily woes exist because the human body is not infallible. Why then believe the breast is perfect? Oh, when it works, it is. The perfect baby food.

But here's the thing: nature gives zero fucks about you. It is indiscriminate, it does not care. It will weed out the population at random, with no rhyme or reason, no matter how decent a person someone is, how much they're needed or loved, or how hard they try.

I was born in 1982 with access to modern medicine, born of a C section, myself. My body has nearly died a couple times now, but thanks to modern medicine I was treated unceremoniously and easily.

I can't feed my baby. Thank God he was born in 2013, where he could be born safely and be fed something nutritious when his mother's milk didn't come. And as for me, and all my health issues I've had? Actually, I was breastfed. You can't breastfeed a baby to a life of good health. Like so much else, it's luck of the draw.

I'm enjoying my maternity leave a lot more now, and I'm really starting to bond with my son. I hadn't realized just how much of a barrier that pump put between us. I was prioritizing bottled breast milk over our relationship.

Giggles!

Jack's started to grab things and he's giggling. He's sitting up with assistance and he's able to entertain himself for a little while at a time. My son is so amazing. He's very bright and a great little baby. I'm so lucky to have him.

No More Nursing: Day Three

Engorgement is painful.  And my breasts look pornographic at the end of the day. That large, firm, full look? Nailed it. I'm usually an A cup and now at my fullest I'm a C. I don't much care for the look; it's almost too ridiculous. I had to "milk" myself last night to relieve some of the pressure and the longest stream of milk shot into the sink. I wore a night nursing bra with the pads to absorb the leaking, and still managed to have a rough night's sleep.

It's now the evening and I'm not engorged like I was last night. It seems like I'll be able to keep the morning feed, and I feel very gratified by that. Hopefully I don't develop low milk supply for that time of day like I've had throughout this past three months. Otherwise I'll just have to give up nursing entirely.

This was also my first day alone with Jack and not pumping. I had time to do things. Rather than sit for 20 minutes every two hours trying to squeeze out that extra half an ounce, I can do useful things around the house or enjoy Jack or have some personal time. I also can wear a lot more of my clothes, no longer needing things that offer boob access.

Medela Swing Pump

When you combination feed (Offering formula and pumped breast milk) you're literally having the worst of both worlds.

Cons of breastfeeding:
Annoying and often ugly nursing clothes
Takes a lot of time out of your day where you can't do anything else
Often coated in breast milk
Carrying around a little extra weight

Cons of formula feeding:
Costs money
You can feel guilty
Others sometimes shame you
You have to wash the bottles

And you get little of the benefits. Breastfeeding gives you free food, no dishes, and optimal nutrition. Formula gives you freedom from your baby and your wardrobe back. Pumping and supplementing offers you none of these things.

I'm feeling more and more comfortable with my choice. Screw you, pump.