You Know You Have IBS When...

1. You don't count calories, you count fibre intake.
2. When you check your weight, you consider how much constipation plays into that number
3. You're not one of those people who "wait to go home" because you can't.
4. You spend a portion of every month looking up ways to improve your digestive system.
5. Your wardrobe choices revolve around bloating concerns.
6. You take an above-average interest in other people's bowel movements.
7. You don't worry about the impact food will have on your weight, only your ability to use the toilet.
8. You've attempted many different regiments involving food restriction, magnesium and/or fibre supplements, colonics, special teas, flax seed etc.
9. You occasionally curse your body or life.
10. When it's been awhile, you start to catalogue just which meals might still be lingering inside of you.
11. You've been given a lot of advice about how to solve your problem from people without IBS, none of which works.
12. Even if you've never given birth, you feel like you've got a good idea what labour feels like.
13. You plan an entire day around using a hardcore laxative.
14. You use advance planning to mitigate your colon issues prior to a big event.
15. You become more interested than other sensible people in Eastern and new age medicines, herbs, and fringe remedies since modern medicine offers almost nothing that helps.
16. Sometimes you feel like you've had a good day only because you were able to go to the bathroom.
17. You've had to explain to people you barely know that you have IBS because it's impacting your ability to work/participate in an activity.
18. When you go through a good stint with no symptoms you indulge in the fantasy that there's nothing wrong with you after all.
19. But the symptoms always come back.

IBS, again, and again

Oh man, I am suffering. IBS, that's all. I hate my body sometimes. Some women hate their thighs, I hate my large intestine. I really don't know where it gets off not being a team player.

It kept me up last night, my body aching, my abdomen distended. I have a metallic taste in my mouth. I've been drinking water and peppermint tea all day, and all it's doing for me is making me pee every 75 minutes. I've taken magnesium. I've had a hot bath. I loathe when this happens to me. I always feel so trapped in my skin.

Clothes don't fit as well; my waist is 2.5 inches bigger around. My skin looks puffy. My skin is starting to break out. This is not healthy.

I have other things on my mind, but I can't focus so well lately. Disturbing how much happiness can be disrupted by failures of the body.

Fake Prom Ahoy

Tonight I'm going to Fake Prom! I had a colonic yesterday to assure I'd be able to attend in comfort and peace, and it was the best session I've ever had. My stomach has deflated to normal size, the gas has left the building, I'm feeling energetic and the sadness and lethargy that accompanies my IBS symptoms has been alleviated. I have no idea how long I'll get to enjoy this, but tonight I'm good to go and that's all that I hoped for.

I decided to come out, as it were, to my boss about my condition. She knew I had it, in general, but not the level that it affected my work. I explained the nature of it, how when my symptoms are in full swing I am often kept up at night, about my frequent need to leave my desk for the bathroom for extended periods of time, how I sometimes need to lie down on my stomach or nap from being robbed of sleep, about how the idea of apprising her or creating a notice for extended absences from my station was going to create a long series of emails or notifications sometimes.

She was very understanding and offered a helpful solution to allow me to better manage my time around my IBS needs. It was like a weight had been lifted and the stress I'd been experiencing fell away from me. And now that I'm out about how bad it can get, I don't think it'll actually be as bad.

I'd just been too embarrassed to talk about it to my work. My friends all knew, but getting into your bowel dysfunction with your superiors, no matter how kind you know them to be, is a daunting prospect. But keeping her in the dark to assuage my pride and fears about it was only hurting me. When you start to appear like you are slacking at work and don't take communication seriously, it's time to pipe up.

I'm really hoping with this recent colonic I'll get some quality time to relax in my own skin. I never know how long my reprieve will last, so I have to savour each day and every hour I get.

I'm totally doing it before my wedding, too. Already booked my appointment.

IBS at Work

IBS is still busy ruining my life.

It's hard to chart the severity of this bullshit, but it really feels to me like it's getting worse over time. I used to take the odd day off from work to quietly manage my symptoms in peace and let them pass, but now that I'm working from home, doing that feels wrong. So I try to work around my bad days.

But this is very difficult. IBS is something that keeps me up at night. By the end of the day, I'm usually riddled with gas. It's like it gets trapped in there and doesn't want to come out unless it's en masse. The belching can actually force itself out of me and it can be painful. And it's something that will keep me up.

And if that's not happening, I'm often backed up, pardon the expression, which inherently steals my energy and robs me of rest due to rumbling discomfort.

So sometimes, being unable to sleep until 3:00 or 4:00, I don't wake up in time for 8:00 to start work. I figure I can get at least another hour or two, and then skip a break and work late if my work assignment sheet will allow it, and it usually does. At least then I don't have to be thoroughly exhausted, only rather tired.

But when the, shall we say, gates open, the day is shot. But I still work. Why? Because I work from home and feel too foolish to call in on these days and say my bowels are malfunctioning again, I need the day off. It's embarrassing.

Occasionally these open-gate days coincide with a late night. It's a terrible whammy of suffering. And I have taken the day off a couple times, but not as often as they happen.

Why? I just feel like they need me. I know they do. My sudden absence (anyone's really) throws off the whole schedule. The other two people who do what I do could be overloaded. I feel immense pressure to work through it.

My health is suffering, though. My mind is frazzled. I'm getting very burnt out. I feel anxious about work now, because I feel like I'm falling behind, always needing a nap I can't take, always bloated and cramped. Unfortunately, stress is a major trigger, and this whole thing is stressing me out.

And I am pretty sure my work doesn't understand. And this is my fault. I just loathe the thought of calling in and explaining this. Who wants to talk to their bosses about their bowel dysfunction and explain why it's impairing ability to work? I try to make it sound like it's not a big deal when I do mention it. I don't want to complain and get honest about it, because when I do I cry.

And now I'm at a crossroads. I had a terrible day at work, where I had to admit I was well behind because I spent so much time in the bathroom. And I know they were frustrated with me. I'm harder to get a hold of via email, which makes their job harder. Well, I'm away from my desk frequently to use the toilet or lie on my stomach or do some stretches to ease my discomfort.

I'm not sure what to do. Do I sit down with my boss and give her a doctor's note and explain my situation? It feels so needy and whiny. And I've recently had a separate health concern regarding the computer. But what I've been doing is catching up to me. I feel emotionally drained from this whole thing.

I have good months, the sort where I actually tell myself I just don't have IBS anymore, just to feel free, but I haven't had a symptom-free stint in awhile. And I long for that, I really do.

IBS Strikes Again

IBS is a cruel beast of a condition. I currently look about five months pregnant from abdominal distention, I'm belching like I just won a hot dog eating contest, and the combination of the two has made me a highly unattractive pile of disgruntled sadness.

This has been going on for days. Symptoms haunt my steps everywhere I go, each and every day. But the constant issues are typically mild. Moderate issues are less frequent and don't last more than a couple days. Severe symptoms are, thankfully, uncommon and don't linger longer than a day or so.

Well, this is a moderate issue and it's been on my case for three days and my patience is wearing thin. I tried to enjoy some quality time with the Dude before he leaves on a business trip and all I could do was burp at various volumes and generate odours from my dinner.

I have a colonic scheduled the day before Fake Prom so that I can assure I'll fit comfortably in my costume, no distention, no nonsense. When you have IBS you pretty much accept defeat when it comes to living comfortably every day. You just handle it as best you can and throw in the towel as needed. But for special events, you really want to be able to enjoy them without your body getting in the way, and Fake Prom is one of those evenings. My pinup outfit isn't really going to have the effect I'm hoping for if I look like I'm going to give birth.

I can imagine what life is like without this condition. I see people with flattened stomachs, eating normally, and I feel wistful and envious. I look at my torso, which often resembles a trunk to me, expanded and riddled with gas, and I get bummed out.

As it is right now, I'll be up for awhile. I'll watch I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, and remind myself it could be worse.

The Colonic

I had a colonic yesterday. Yes, I do those. In fact, in addition to a facial and manicure, I plan on getting a colonic before my wedding so I will be comfortable.

So, bearing in mind what I'm going to be talking about, this may not be the post for you.

Continuing on...

I have IBS and I was experiencing a lot of... inactivity lately. This is usually solved with a round or two of magnesium citrate before bed. It comes in a raspberry-citrus flavour and you mix it with hot water and drink it like a tea. It "hydrates" your lower intestine and thus gets the show on the road down there. No pain, no fuss. Very effective.

Well, that wasn't working. When you can two tablespoons of magnesium days in a row and you haven't had a hint of an rear door exit, you know you have to take more drastic measures.

(My friends and I have been laughing lately about how bowel movements have made their way into our regular conversation. Years ago I would have said, "EWW!" Now? Hell, it's a regular part of my life, ironic pun intended, so I'm less skeeved when talking about it now. Guess I'm getting old.)

Anyhoo, I made an appointment at this place near Ossington station. I had a deal and I wanted to give 'er a try. I have a place I trust already, but I wanted to see if this new place, which is closer to my home, would work out.

Well, it didn't. Oh, it worked-worked. But I'm not going back. Why?

1. I like my colonic clinics to be more clinical looking. This place had an indie vibe, the sort that's charming for a boutique or therapist's office, but if I'm having a tube up my butt, I want to feel like I'm at the hospital.

2. There were two session rooms and one bathroom. At D'Avignon they have a toilet in every room. At this place you might get stuck waiting. And for those who haven't done this before, when you have to go during or after a colonic, there's nothing in the entire world more pressing (Yes, I know, but puns are too easy when you're talking about poo). There was a grip on the wall and while the bathroom was being "reserved" for me, I gripped it and twitched. I don't remember what I was thinking about. Everything I was or had ever been had been reduced to the singular need to go to the bathroom. Because a toilet was not in the room, I had to wait twice as long.

3. I had to wait 15 minutes past my appointment and when I came back from the bathroom, she told me to get dressed. So I got about 20-25 minutes instead of 45. At D'Avignon, they get you right back on the horse and give you your time.

4. At D'Avignon, if you're cramping they add peppermint oil to the water. The ladies there are also nicer. I get relaxed enough there to start cracking jokes as I watch god knows what fly out of my body and down the tube. They all seem rather taken with their work, too, and want to know all the details about your digestion. The woman who dealt with me was a quiet-spoken serious person who tried too hard to sell me products. I also got the sense she was not terribly interested in what I had to say.

In the end I got what I needed. An obstruction is gone and my stomach is no longer distended. I'm comfortable, comparatively gas-free and I have that rare sensation of understanding what it must feel like to be normal. When I touch my stomach now, I keep expecting my hand to find my tummy a couple inches out further. It's so lovely to not feel so bogged down and round.

But I left the colonic feeling emotionally disgruntled. I'm not terribly inclined to list this place by name and call them out, but if anyone in TO wants to try this sort of treatment for their digestive issues, I think I've made my recommendation clear.