Movies For Mommies

Today was my first Movies For Mommies, which meant for the first time since Jack was born I've been able to go to the movies. The movies! I loves me some going to see a flick. It's one of my favourite things to do. I saw Man Of Steel at the Humber Theatre. There are several independent theatres that do MFM and this was conveniently located off a subway with an elevator. Elevators have become extremely important to me as of late.

As soon as I sat down my baby began to cry and I immediately felt like that mother. But after a feed, buddypants calmed down and slept a wonderful 90 minutes, enabling me to both enjoy the movie and feel gratitude that the other crying babies, for a time, weren't mine. The final 15-20 minutes were spent on my feet holding Jack and swaying and dancing, keeping him calm so I could catch the end of the film. And no one thought this was strange or disruptive because we were all in the same boat.

You wouldn't think a theatre full of babies would be a calming place to be but it was. Every time a baby cried out or cooed it wasn't annoying, but rather a reassurance that if your baby did the same thing it wouldn't be a big deal. Babies that carried on were carried out. There was a changing station at the entrance, which was helpful. There was an accessible bathroom that had tons of room for my stroller.

And I got out of the house. I have another outing on Wednesday where I get to meet other moms for coffee. I've been to this meet-up twice before and I've already started seeing familiar faces. I'm hoping to make friends, though I'm terrible at doing do. Keeping friends? Sure. I can do that. Making them? Well, that's always taken a lot of time. I never know when or how to progress a new acquaintance. In fact, all my friendships seem almost accidental or extensions pre-existing friends.

And it's not like I'm hurting for friends. The ones I have are wonderful and close. I can be myself and relax in their company. It's just there is a gulf now. I can talk to my friends about my baby, but sometimes I want to run by some things with people who've been there, or talk "shop" to someone in the know. Kind of like how work is sometimes only interesting to other co-workers and can bore people who don't do the same thing. I'm cognizant of this and so I really limit my baby talk around those who don't have one.

Around other new parents this kind of talk is free flowing. Daycares, anxieties, birth experiences, hard days, night time wake-ups, everything is okay. I'd really like a mom friend or two, someone I can relate to not just as a mother, but also as a person, someone on the same wavelength.

But even if these outings don't lead to new friendships, it does lead to a happier, healthier me. Reasons to leave the house are good for me. I've spent a week at home and it's pretty bad for my mental health. I don't think we're meant to raise our children in such solitude or isolation. Good thing I don't live in the burbs.

The Twilight Sexism Issue

Oh, cursed be my hesitation. I  waited too long to request my vacation time for some reason, thinking foolishly that it was too early to do so. Now rather than a glorious stretch of 17 days off, I have to work December 27th and 28th, which cuts into our trip to our hometown a bit and breaks up my holiday joy. Nuts. 

I've been thinking lately about something that kinda bugs me. Hating on people's guilty pleasures is a favourite pastime for people. I try not to do it. I mean, sometimes it's hard not to be a little judgemental if all a person seems to like are guilty pleasures, and then you wonder if there's anything that person enjoys that isn't McDonald's for the soul.

But everyone's got some. Really bad movies, for example. Or dramatic reality TV. Or Ke$ha. Trashy novels, or really expensive coffees or tabloid magazines.

I never feel too guilty about my guilty pleasures. I figure since everyone's got some and I'm allowed to have fun, screw it. So I see the Twilight movies in the theatre. 

Are they based on well-written books? Great dialogue? Fascinating characters? No. Not really. Frankly, it's beautiful people, sexual tension, a love triangle and surrounds the idea of a girl being nothing special and yet being wildly desirable and important to sexy and/or rich and/or devoted young men. And then the girl becomes special, gorgeous, rich and is hand-delivered a perfect child and home and eternity with one of the devoted beautiful men and his totally loving family.

I mean, let's be serious. The appeal is pretty obvious. So easy to tap into the old teenage me and swoon.

But the part the gets me is the constant hate on the series. I'm pretty sure it's entirely based on sexism. I mean, Transformers is equally as poor in the character and dialogue category. You go to these movies to see robotic monsters smash things. They got a lame guy to be the lead and he gets to be with a woman so far out of his league it's laughable. Where's the hate for that franchise, one based off a cartoon pretty much designed to sell toys to kids?

Oh, right. There was minimal vitriol despite the hype because it's target demographic is male.

The 2 Fast 2 Furious series, with no character development and no meaningful plot, all surrounding cars and women and being cool. That's it. Literally, that's all there is. People roll their eyes, but no one goes on a boner-inducing hate-on for the movies. Why?

Oh, yes, of course. It's for guys. It's stupid, but men like it, so... 

But here is this guilty pleasure franchise for young women, a largely untapped market in this arena. A feminine fantasy-driven product that delivers a boost to the happy centre of the brain for a couple hours. Well! It's stupid. It's unrealistic. It's harmful to young women!!!111! Vampires don't sparkle, I'm outraged! RAWR! No one should see this EVER! DOWN WITH TWILIGHT SFGJDFGbdfmgndfmgndfGDFG!

Okay, honestly, I'm over it. 

Also worthy of note is no one would give me much flack for watching the dude-geared movies I listed above, but try watching a guy do so with Twilight. My femininity is not impaired because I like the Terminator movies (obviously another ridiculous plot hole-ridden mess of a series) but that is because culturally male stuff equals good and female stuff is less than. So a man who is supposed to be superior and above femaleness is raked over the coals if he enjoys something like Twilight. His guilty pleasures are supposed to be masculine.

I saw one guy get lambasted yesterday for saying he was seeing the Breaking Dawn movie with his wife. Let him enjoy himself. A part of me was chuckling, though. I think he likes riling people up. If they're going to get that upset about his movie-going experience, that's their problem. He was going to have fun. All these people trying to talk him out of what he likes and it was in one ear and out the other.

Well, I say fuck it. Fuck the wall of complaints. No one has to watch or read this story. It doesn't have to affect anyone in any real way. My advice for the devoted haters? Just don't bother with it if it's not for you. Leave your misogyny at the door when you hear people talking about it. Or at least be an insufferable critic about every other bad movie out there, and make sure there's nothing you enjoy that's worthy of criticism, ever. 

Good luck with that one.

'Dem Teens

Teen movies I saw in the theatre (As a teen, of course)

Can't Hardly Wait
She's All That
American Pie
American Pie 2
The New Guy
10 Things I Hate About You
Clueless

I remember liking them all, much the way I remember liking McDonalds before I developed better taste buds. The ones aimed at girls were about popularity and its relationship with dating opportunities. The ones aimed at boys were about getting laid at parties. The ones that were unisex had male leads and were about both. And this is the same crap that was available in the '80s, only with different fashion, music and slang.

16 Candles
Weird Science
Pretty in Pink
Some Kind of Wonderful

They're all just rehashes, right? Uncool girl saved from uncoolness by attractive cool boy who has an epiphany that the uncool girl is actually hot deep down inside? The less attractive girl is finally really noticed? The nerdy guy gets the girl and the last laugh and wins in the end? The popular girl decides to go for the less cool guy. The end!

And I'm pretty sure the same old nonsense is being re-done for the millennials. Is that what we call the '00s? Who knows. Anyway.

Know what I think teens need more of? The Breakfast Club. But not a remake, but other topics than dating, getting drunk and laid. Stuff about self identity, real conversations, things that would be relevant to the target audience. Only not played by people in their 20s.

Just worked on a teen movie that covers all the basic shtick: cool girl gets dumped, ditsy popular girls and their cool boyfriends, nerds liking sci-fi, alcohol being the key to coolness, getting laid at parties and crushes coming to fruition.

I've been wondering, are teenagers really vapid and flakey? Or is it just life imitating art? I remember the images I grew up with of what teenagers are supposed to be and do. I thought, if that's what it is, then that's what I want. Maybe if we expected more and presented more, then young people would be more.

Yesterday I watched a show about the Andes, where a 3-year-old could expertly peel potatoes with a sharp knife. I've long thought kids were too coddled these days, and I'm not suggesting every parent should teach their children knife skills, but certainly if children are capable of more than we allow them to learn, then definitely teenagers are capable of more depth than they show en mass. Am I right?

But our world in this hemisphere is doling out crap for them to consume, and it seems only crap. And a little bit of escapist drivel is a good time and harmlessly enjoyable, when in good balance with other things, like matters of higher thinking and reflection and honest insight. But where are those things to be found? Really, I have no idea.

Good Chickflick vs Bad Chickflick

Remember the chickflick list? Tonight we finally finish it. Yeah. What was supposed to take 30 days has taken half a year. But it's coming to a close with The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Which, for those not in the know, it's a film about mother-daughter relationships, motherhood, friendship that ages through the years and loyalty. It has little to do with romance, which is rare for a movie geared towards women, and I like that.

However, speaking of chickflicks, let me talk about a bad one I saw very recently. The Wedding Planner. If you want to see a movie about a woman who is capable at her job, but too mentally inept to speak up and properly call a man out on his lying bullshit OR too meek and simpering to correct a man who's telling damaging lies about her personal life, then this is the movie for you!

The mere fact I can't fathom anyone, even a stupid person, being this clueless about how to proceed in life tells me the writers who generated this garbage have no business being in business. It's really infuriating.

Set the stage. A woman working in her capacity as a wedding planner, with a couple whose groom failed to mention he was engaged while he was on a date with said planner, experiences an awkward moment. An eccentric man (that her father had set her up with) runs up while she's working and tells everyone in earshot that they're engaged, which they are not.

The wedding planner:
A. Tells the man on no uncertain terms that not only are they not engaged, but he is disrupting her work and that he should leave.
B. Quietly asks security to remove the man, and discreetly mentions to the couple that she is not involved with this man.
C. Goes along with the lie and does not correct the groom while he gives her hell for not being clear she was engaged on their date.

I didn't finish the movie, but I know how it ends. You see, the bride says something that makes her not perfect at one point, so clearly she's not the woman for this sneaky groom. This clears the way for the wedding planner to start a relationship with the liar who dates other women while engaged. And then... she finally gets HER turn for HER special day! Yay!

And sadly, I'm pretty sure now that if I encounter someone who liked this movie, I may just wind up respecting them less for it, much like if I found out they were a Scientologist.

Breathe Me

In my last post, I was saying how I figured I'd spend my tax refund on my Mexico trip in November. Pfft. Probably not. It'll likely get spent on Smokey. Little tub's breath smells like a motherfucker. I think he's having tooth and gum pain. Dollars to doughnuts he'll need a tooth pulled in the near future. What can you expect from an animal who's spent the past 16 years of life with questionable oral hygiene? I haven't exactly been brushing his teeth. My poor sucky kitty. Worry for him sometimes keeps me up at night. He's at my feet right now meowing at me.

I ordered in Chinese food tonight. The Dude left me with some of his spaghetti sauce in the fridge, but I was in the mood to be self indulgent. It's better than the ice cream I ate last night.

Ridiculous. But really, I've just given up thinking and worrying about certain things, like cooking. I've taken on other domestic tasks in turn. If the Dude and I were to part, I'd go back to eating three servings of Kraft Dinner a week, and he'd manage his finances into a living in a cardboard box condo. Funny how much you grow to rely on each other.

Though I miss him when he's gone, this is a good opportunity for me to enjoy unrestricted use of the apartment. The TV is mine. I can play the Wii. It's completely silent and I'm peeing with the door open. I can play any music I like, and my tastes are generally very mainstream top 40. The music I like that doesn't fall under that category tends to be on the depressing side.

Exhibit A: Hero, Regina Spektor.
Exhibit B: Breathe Me, Sia
Exhibit C: 9 Crimes, Damien Rice

I've always liked depressing stuff. It feels authentic and in its own strange way, uplifting. The melancholy makes me feel comfortable. I think I like songs and stories that evoke a feeling that feels true. And that makes me happy. But it has to have a sweetness to it. It can't be aching hollow pain for the sake of pain. Movies like, say, Requiem For A Dream are enough to make me want to throw myself in front of a bus.

If I were to sit here with the Dude and listen to sad songs and watch sad movies, I think he'd get concerned for my mental health. But as it is, I'm indulging in some sweet, sweet sadness. It feels calm and soothing somehow. It doesn't have to make sense.

Attack of the Y

The chickflickathon continues. We're making good progress. Actually, it's really been nice for our relationship. Watching a movie each night instead of having the TV on and plugging away at laptops or reading or whatnot is more pleasant. However, the Dude has now insisted I watch a selection of guy movies.

Sounds fair, right? Tit for tat? Eh, not quite. I often watch a number of "guy" movies on my own volition, whereas the Dude does not seek out any girly movies ever. So this means there were a number of quality feminine movies he had not seen, whereas I have seen a significant chunk of guy-type movies, leaving the ones I have avoided to be the less quality ones. For example, I've seen all the Terminator movies, Sin City, A Few Good Men, Seth Rogan's offerings, and so on.

It also brings a point that so many testosterone-fuelled movies are considered broadly appealling, as men's stories are considered to have universal appeal, whereas stories more estrogen-fuelled are not. Somehow stories by and about women are "niche" and stories by and about men are for everyone. So while some movies are "unisex" as it were, I think it's only fair to be broad-minded about what constitutes a mens movie (not just action or horror), as I included several movies which are not exclusively geared towards women (The English Patient, Atonement, Say Anything).

So we've compromised and instead of 30, I'll watch 15. We got a head start and we watched The Hangover. Honestly, not my kind of movie. Not bad and it wasn't a waste, but I'm glad I didn't see it in the theatre.

It's funny because as I type about this male movie testosterone stuff, the Dude is curled up asleep on the couch cuddling Smokey.

Lists

Today is a day of lists. First, a small chronological recap of 2009, as I do every New Year.

Went to Vancouver to see my family
The Dude graduated college
Performed in the spring belly dance gala
Played in charity road hockey tournament
Moved to the new apartment
Did the Ovarian Cancer Walk
Dude and I threw our first party together
Performed in the winter belly dance gala
Jerry passed
Stayed home for Christmas for the first time

2009 was also peppered with lots of movies, fun times with friends, and other people's big news, like a cousin having a baby, another cousin's wife getting pregnant, another cousin getting engaged, and the Dude's stepbrother getting engaged and buying a house. No big news like that for us, but we've been talking about 2010 being a more important year for us.

To kick off the new year, I came upon this guy via another friend's blog and the Toronto Star, and the Dude and I are taking up the challenge. This will make January plenty of fun for me. As for the Dude, time will tell. Though part of the reason I love him is he isn't a gruff emotionless man's man. I think he'll do fine. I was pretty impressed that he was willing to go along with this. Here is the current list of chick flicks we'll be partaking in starting the 14th (we're ignoring a few of the guy's rules for our own happiness. A. Better selection of movies, and B. We'll be done in time for his birthday this way).

The Time Traveller's Wife
The Notebook
The Joy Luck Club
Away From Her
Love Story
Bridges of Madison County
Beaches
The English Patient
Miss Potter
Tristan + Isolde
The Family Stone
Dear Frankie
Atonement
PS I Love You
The Way We Were
The Secret Life Of Bees
The Women
27 Dresses
New Moon
Fried Green Tomatoes
Little Women
Chocolat
Mona Lisa Smile
Steel Magnolias
White Oleander
Terms of Endearment
Say Anything
The Piano
When Harry Met Sally
Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Our main chick flick criteria is that they are movies he has never seen, otherwise there would be some changes in this list to include other well known female favourites. I think we're going to begin with Love Story. We start January 14th. Wish us luck!