Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Okay, before I do anything or say anything, this rocked my socks, and actually so does this woman's entire blog. Heartastic. My coworker (and former officemate) found it. I think only cat lovers would truly enjoy it.

I've been drinking a little more beer lately. I've also been getting a little puffy. Correlation? Yes. Fuck me. Why bother cultivate a taste for beer when I'll apparently also have to cultivate a taste for being the shape of a snowman? Also, the pecan pie and ice cream and bridal shower cake probably hasn't helped. But I'm pretty sure it's the beer. Yeah.

Anyway. I figure it'll be like the time I quit pop and dropped 5 pounds after college. Though I was drinking pop every day. I'd crack open a coke just because the class was taking a break and it seemed like the thing to do. I'm not drinking beer quite like that, which is probably for the best. No, I probably won't loose any noticeable poundage. But methinks the puffiness might subside.

On a side note, it sounds as though my apartment is arguing with itself. The walls keep creaking and things keep shuddering. I have no idea what that noise is. There have been renovations going on next door. Maybe our walls will cave in. I wonder if I'd get the day off.

This is sort of a stream of consciousness thing I'm doing. I have no real theme here. No coming of age musings, no happenings to report, no fond memories of old times past.

The Dude is laying on the couch beside me, sleeping away. He used to have problems sleeping. Not anymore. I don't know how he does it. He'll have a load of caffeine and then go to sleep, always around the same time. The one kind of cute thing is he doesn't like to go to bed unless I'm going too. So he falls asleep out here. The one exception is when he has to get up at something ungodly like 5:00 a.m. 5:00 shouldn't even exist.

But speaking of ungodly, I was watching Stephen Hawkings special about the universe the other night. It kind of made me realize just how much I don't believe in God anymore. I mean, the whole universe can be scientifically explained. Essentially, everything on this planet is because of stars, and stars are because of hydrogen gasses. Heh. I explained that like a child. But I suppose my mind may as well be a child's compared to Hawking's.

It's kind of a bummer. Here I am at nearly 2:00 a.m. writing about how I'm pretty sure there's no God. I used to think so. I dunno, maybe there is one, maybe some hydrogen god. Or maybe in some sort of dimension we can't perceive some sort of group of god-like beings developed and have been competing for followers ever since, like Twitter, only with people who go to war and stuff.

I just keep thinking. Every major religion, in the face of how the universe was created, seems a little foolish. I also can't help but think that if a god were really god, he or she (I'm inclined to think "she" what with the whole giving life part) or it wouldn't hang out with a few random people before the age of technology and rely on the longest game of telephone ever to spread the word. That's just inefficient. A god should know better.

I can see why people are religious, though. It's certainly a more simple and easy way to view the world. I mean, hell. You can figure that even if the world is highly disappointing and suffering for millions is endless, at least there's Heaven. I'll tell you, though. Without Heaven, thinking about the meaningless suffering of people who had the unfortunate luck to be born into AIDS and famine kind of makes you sick. I feel guilty now when I go to the movies because I'm spending $15 on pleasing myself and someone is dying because they have no food, and then not going to any happy place ever, just into the ground.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I'm just typing out my train of thought. Sometimes I'll sit at home in my bedroom and just think. Today I read this article in Psychology Today about introverts (I am one) and how they need to take time to regroup after socializing to process their thoughts. I've never mastered how to wait until I get home to do that. I start doing it while people are talking to me. I've exasperated so many people.

I like to observe new people for awhile before I really interact with them, particularly if it seems as though they may become a part of my life. Every now and then I'll get the sense I need to "perform well" with someone new, though, and I'll do my best not to shell up and go into observation mode. It's a monstrous effort.

I have so little filter and I know pretty much everyone who knows me thinks I'm odd, that I just don't feel comfortable unleashing the beast on people I don't know, and more importantly, who I can't gauge yet. The other day I was with some people I barely knew and I figured to hell with it, I'll just participate in the conversation. Well, I got weird looks, probably because I said strange things in strange ways to people who aren't oddball enthusiasts. And the aftermath of that awkwardness always makes me feel anxious because I know I've made a poor impression.

Okay. I should go to bed before this takes another turn. I wonder if typing any of this out will help me sleep.


Alek said...

Hahaha... my, this was quite the random post.

Well, FYI, wine is the best drink, calorie-wise. I would know. ;) And there was a long-term study that recently concluded, showing that moderate drinkers (1-3 drinks DAILY) live longer than non-drinkers (fermentation -- it's a magical thing), so don't stop the booze! Hehehe.

As far as the God thing goes... don't let Christian theology and its contemporaries get you down. Philosophy can be a wonderful, mind-opening thing, when coupled with a solid grounding in rational thinking, and a humanist outlook on life. I mean, sure, humanists don't have the comfort of heaven to get them through life and dull their empathy towards others, but, when you really think about it, heaven is just such a lazy excuse for living selfishly.

And that's me rambling too! :)

Caitlin H. said...

i thoroughly enjoyed the stream-of-consciousness random weirdness! :)

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