Monday, April 19, 2010


When you're 10, you blow your money on candy and comic books.
When you're 13, you blow your money on candy, comic books, slushies and magazines.
When you're 16, you blow your money on candy, slushies, movies, fast food, and clothes.
When you're 19, you blow your money on booze.
When you're 22, you blow your money on booze, clothes, restaurants, magazines and Starbucks.
When you're 27, you blow your money on kitchen supplies and home decor. And wine.

Which brings me to today, having just gotten home from dance class and a side trip to Kitchen Stuff Plus. I wasn't going to go there, but someone waved a delicious 25% off coupon in my face and suddenly I needed French onion soup bowls. While I was at it, I picked up some stuff to upgrade the sad state of the bathroom. And then all was well.

So I spent the weekend in my hometown yet again, this time for a baby shower. My cousin's wife, who I used to work with back in the day, is seven months pregnant. Back when I found out in November I was jazzed not only for their happiness, but I was sure this bought me some time before the relatives started poking their attention back into my uterus. Ohohoho. No.

"When's your turn?"
"When you take the throne..." (Throne?)
"When will we be seeing you with a belly?"

"When are you going to get pregnant?"
"Oh, I'm waiting till I'm married."
"You don't need to wait."
"Oh, I need to wait."
"Well, when are you getting married?"

"You only have till 30 because your risk of Down's syndrome babies go up." (I dispute this. Pretty sure it's after 35)

And so on in that fashion. Times are a changin' aren't they? Only 50 years ago living together before marriage was a big no-no. These days it's the rare family that are upset about it and no one else sees a scandal. Everyone's doing it. Getting your girlfriend pregnant used to mean you propose. Now? Maybe move in together, see how that goes, no point in marrying just 'cause you've made a baby. Now people are moving in, getting pregnant and figuring to hell with a marriage certificate. Common law status is like a new norm.

It's to the point now that even if you're unmarried, your family still wants you to get pregnant and wouldn't automatically think it must be an accident if you do.

In many ways, I like this relaxation. It's nice to have autonomy and not be bound by social conventions like marriage. It really shouldn't be other people's call if you live with your boyfriend without marrying him first. It makes marriage something you want to do, not something you have to do in order to have the romantic companionship.

But all the same, I'm still traditional enough that I'd prefer my loved ones not assume I'm going to make babies with someone other than my husband, and as I don't have one, I'd rather they not inquire about my future children and why they're not here yet. The reason to me is obvious. It's because I'm not married. And asking me why I'm not married is too private.

I suppose no woman my age is safe from these questions. Though really I think they should be bugging my nearly-40-year-old male cousin about his plans. Guy's still unmarried and keeps dating fertile-aged women to keep his options open. They probably would if only he'd come home more often. Probably keeps away on purpose. Sure would be fun to watch him be peppered with these inquiries.

PS, this is Glee awesomeness.


Anonymous said...

I think people quickly forget having a child is such a personal choice, something that should be thought through. People lack compassion when it comes to that part in life, so many reasons that people though thinking they are well intended need to consider
- all pregnancies that end in the first trimester with early pregnancy testing, the parents are left heartbroken
- the frustrations of not knowing why you can't conceive
- personal issues: not ready in relationship for a child
...ok this list really could go on for a while but the point is that having a child is an issue close to the heart and should be allowed to remain personal. After all the birth of a child should come out of a loving relationship... a happy child has a happy home.

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