Chapter Four

2:20 in the morning and all is well. All could be better. For example, I could be sleeping.

I did some writing tonight. I've completed four chapters of a new novel I'm attempting to write. It's still too new to really talk about in depth, and obviously still a first draft. But I'm pleased with my progress thus far. I've been developing my protagonist, introduced a couple characters and have introduced a conflict. Yes, yes, writing 101. Good for me.

But it's encouraging to keep it up. I'm trying to not just wait for creative impulses, I'm attempting to tap into what I'm pretty sure is there and lying dormant. Getting into a comfort zone and not challenging myself has been bad for my creativity. I used to devote most of my spare time into storytelling and drawing, hours a day.

That pretty much stopped after art school. If you're not meant to be a commercial artist, an art program can kill your drive. Perhaps if I had just leapt into journalism first, I wouldn't have quit for all those years. Many of the classmates I met in in Art Fundamentals pursued their dreams and completed other programs or became commercial artists of some kind. You can't help but question yourself when you're in the minority of those not going for it.

Like I've been saying, though, 2012 is my year. It's the year I'm taking to make creative changes. Just need to keep up my motivation.

330 Days

So I have a couple of changes on the go. I suppose this could be considered New Years Resolution-like, but it's more lifestyle/growing up/future planning stuff.

As for the no-shampoo experiment, I washed it Friday and my scalp is not terribly oily now. My hair doesn't smell bad either. So I'm no worse for wear in the greasy and odour department. However, my hair has a strange consistency to it. It's sort of dry and sort of... not. I didn't do the recommended vinegar rinse, which I will be attempting next round.

When I was in the shower I took a heaping tablespoon's worth of baking soda, added water and scrubbed it into my scalp. But it was rather watery so I took another smallish heap and added less water to create a paste and scrubbed that in as well. It was all very strange feeling. If you enjoy suds and lather, this part is not very satisfying.

I left it in for a minute and rinsed it out. Vinegar is supposed to restore PH balance to your hair and give it a healthy sheen. And vinegar is also a cleaning agent, so it sort of finishes the job. The smell is supposed to dissipate after the hair dries.

I am soooo looking forward to no more shampoo. My hair always looks and feels like a frizzy mess after shampooing. It's toxic stuff, it's bad for your hair, your scalp and really, I'm tired of it. My exema rash breaks out when I use it. It's an oil byproduct and I don't want it on my skin anymore. I'm always red and blotchy and dried out after I use shampoo. Wherever it touches me, my skin reacts.

So that's one change. Going shampoo free 2012.

Change two is around the home. Our living room finally has all its necessary furniture. It's like a real grownup room with enough storage. It's functional. It's comfortable.

And we want to own our own house. And this being Toronto, we're in for a rough ride. The housing market is out of control and we don't want to be house poor. There is a condo bubble developing so maybe there will be deals down the road. But while we wait and see where things go there, we're looking to save up a downpayment.

We currently have a decent amount. But it's not enough to get more than a small condo. And I work from home and we'd like to have a child. So a 1-bedroom condo is not going to cut it for our future. We need at least two bedrooms and a den-like space for me to do my job.

So this be the year we save, yo. Come March, we'll be putting away about a fifth of our monthly income. Very... adult. If we lived in our hometown making what we make, we'd have a house. I love Toronto, but in this one way, I hate it. Getting into the market is a nightmare. I don't want to get a place and wind up house poor, unable to pay my mortgage and other bills. So we're waiting till the Dude's income goes up a little more and we have more in the bank.

Change three is my creativity. I'm halfway through my aunt's illustrations for her children's book. I've also started writing again. I want to get in the family track next year, so if I'm going to do something with myself in this regard, the time is now.

I've spent my 20s doing a number of things. I've been in meaningful relationships. I've travelled. I've moved around a lot. I've lived with roommates, alone, with a partner. I got married. I found a good job. I spent time in counselling to get some closure on my relationship with my father. I've figured out who I am. I'm almost 30 and I really truly finally feel like I know myself.

And now I wish to complete a couple creative projects before my 20s come to a close, before I enter my 30s and home ownership and starting a family take me in a direction away from myself. Not that I'll leave who I am, but my world will expand beyond myself, and for a time I will not be my sole focus. Heck, it isn't now. I have to share my focus with the Dude. He's my husband. We're become a team. But this last year I'm going to dedicate to me.

330 days till I'm 30.

The Non-Finisher

I don't finish things. I'm a creative type of person who just doesn't, for whatever reason, finish my projects. I drive myself crazy, and it's a short drive.

My graphic novel sits untouched. But frankly, I just can't. Not till I'm older and certain parties are, well, not around to read it. I also feel a little unresolved in my youth. I mean, it's not over and perhaps I need more aged perspective to really tell the story properly. In any case, I feel paralyzed over it and so it remained untouched for a long time.

I've started many novels I've not completed. I get these flashes of productive artistry that fade quickly and leave me with chapters of a tale that goes nowhere.

I did complete a series of abstract drawings several years ago. And that was a pleasurable thing. It's not as though they were displayed anywhere, but they were a collection of feelings and emotions expressed simply during a period of change in my life.

I've catalogued the materials I need to get started on my aunt's project. I'll either order them direct or buy them in the store this week. This will be something I finish, if only because I've got someone I love depending on me to do it.

I need to channel my energy better this year. There are many sides to life and my personal life is rather under control. My creative life needs attention. I want to make 2012 count for something. It's my last year in my 20s and I would like to use it wisely.

Writing For Realsies

I've started writing again (I mean, other than this blog). I think it's shaping up to be teen fiction. Maybe once I begin the second draft, it'll mature into adult fiction. But who knows. I have a habit of beginning a work of writing and then... quitting. Often it's because I get too overly focused on the details.

Like, making up a city that doesn't exist. I then have to imagine the entire infrastructure and then eventually I overwhelm myself. And if I place the setting somewhere I've been OR based on somewhere I've been, I start getting wrapped up in how close a resemblance a fictional place is to the real thing.

It's too much. I'm one of those writers who needs to write what they know when it comes to cities. So I'm basing this book on my hometown. Everything takes place there. I know it inside and out. And without that major roadblock, I'm able to be more creative with my plot.

When I was six I wrote my first "book" and illustrated it. It was about six pages long about a Halloween costume. It took me a few days and I was jazzed with it. I probably threw it out after about a month or so.

When I was in grade five or six or something I wrote my first comic book. It was about five friends and how their lives grew apart. It was a big undertaking and looking back it was total shit, but still. I finished it.

When I was 16, I drew up this series of anime-inspired magic girls and I think the best word I could use for it now was storyboards. Each large piece of paper was one panel and included all the dialogue. I did five volumes, plus a bonus epilogue. I finished that too and it was the last thing I've ever completed that had any amount of writing attached to it.

Short stories I've done, but that's the thing with a short story: it's short. In the amount of time it takes to write a first draft of a novel, you could be polishing your short story to a high sheen.

I was on the subway thinking about my life and my choices and what talents I have, such as they are, that are largely amounting to nothing due entirely to laziness on my part. And a second later I came up with an idea for a novel. I practically wrote the thing in my head as I walked home and spent the rest of the night at my computer.

If only every night were as inspiring and motivating. I never seem to get a second wind. I miss being a kid, or even a teenager, when I write. I just did it because it was fun. I never got bogged down by, I don't know, "facts" or "life". Creativity is a gift, and a part of me is worried that if I don't use it now, I'll lose it.

I really want to finish this story. I really do. Let's see how this goes.