The Night Before

My little family is going on vacation without me tomorrow. They'll be gone all week while I take on a training session at work with later hours. This choice was made because Jack's schedule was not manageable if I couldn't pick him up before 5:00, so the Dude took his week of vacation for the summer.

And so he's taking Jack to the lake because that's where we were planning on going. No reason he should have a crummy summer, missing out, just because things changed on my end.

And this will be good for me. I've been wanting this training and now I'm going to learn new things at work. So overall, it's a good thing. It'll be good for the Dude to have this time with his parents and Jack, some freedom from work, fresh air...

But damn. Five straight days and nights without them. I'll be honest, I had a little cry this evening.

I have some visits with friends lined up, and I'm really looking forward to those. It'll be wonderful to have the ability to just go hang out without any worries in the world about my responsibilities. But it'll also be mandatory for my emotional wellbeing because it's going to be really lonely around these parts for awhile.

I predict I'll be okay for a couple days, but by the end of the week I'll be a wreck. I'm going to miss my little pumpkin.

Long Weekend Baby

Two weeks ago we went to the lake. Now this weekend we're going back. The Dude, poor soul, was not able to go, and it's one of his favourite places to be. So off we go again. I'm looking forward to it, but it is a ton of work. We used to just pack on suitcase and away we went. Now? Ugh.

This time I intend to downsize. Lugging around all that stuff is seriously awful. You sort of feel like a pack mule, or a manager of a baby rather than a mother.

I'm not bringing his play mat. It's a useful item, but a blanket on the ground will suffice, especially since there will be family there. I'm not bringing the kettle either. No one used it last time I was there, so I don't feel bad about commandeering it for the weekend. We shouldn't need the Pack n' Play because there's a crib in the basement that'll be free. I'll also bring fewer toys, which will lighten my knapsack.

I look forward to the day we can stop packing the baby tub and the bouncy chair. Those are items that aren't must-haves like diapers and formula, but make for a miserable trip without them. And then of course diapers being a thing of the past will improve life all around. Not bringing them on a trip will be extra pleasant. As it is, I'll be bringing the cloth diapers (Which also means I must take the special detergent). The cloth just save so much money. A little extra labour, but oh well. I'm used to it.

I've had a rather challenging week. Trying to get Jack's naps on track is an ongoing job. As he won't sleep when we're out and needs to sleep every two hours, this creates an issue for me if I want to leave the house. Also, the Dude has been coming home after Jack's in bed a couple times. I've had the sole job of caregiving all week, more or less. It's wearing me out. It will be nice to get out to the lake and have a change of pace, with the Dude there and extended family. People to talk to, different scenery, less baby care on my shoulders.

Good thing I have a great baby. Honestly, this child is a real delight. He's sweet and smiley, and once in bed at night he's a champion sleeper. I'm tired from the lack of help lately, but it could be a lot worse.

Look at that face <3

Mellow Baby

I'm home from my vacation, the first I've taken with a baby. It's nice to be home, although a little strange too. I was getting used to waking up to people to talk to and things to do. Now I'm alone with Jack again and I have to figure out on my own how to spend the day.

It was wild how fast the days went. It seemed like no time would pass before Jack would need another nap and then his naps didn't feel super short. I think the key to enjoying maternity leave, at least for me, is other people being around during the day. Since I have no friends with babies, I must find strangers with babies to talk to via mom meet-ups. So far I've not made a new friend, only acquaintances. Today I'm planning to go to a farmer's market and see who I can meet.

Last night before bed I again remembered my birth experience. I don't go there most of the time because it hurts me and I cry. So I decided to finally write Patient Relations at the hospital and tell them what happened to me. I felt very mismanaged and I want an apology. I would also feel gratified if I learned it lead to any changes in how they approach women in their care. It was therapeutic. I think it helped me sleep.

Jack spent the first night in his crib. We don't have a proper room for his nursery, per se, but we do have an alcove-like space in the basement near our bedroom. It means we have to walk by him at night and I'm unsure how much noise carries from upstairs. So it's not ideal, but this is Toronto and a lot of first-time parents have their babies stay in the bedroom with them at night for quite some time due to space constraints.

It was alright. With him out of the room it was easier to ignore the grumbles and complaints that didn't need attention and still hear the cries that did. I think this will make it easier to improve his already good sleep, allowing him to self settle even more.

One thing that's really been making me happy lately is waking up in the morning. He gets a bottle around 7:00 and after that I take him into bed with me until about 9:00, 9:30. We snooze the early morning hours away and when I look over to him when we wake he has the hugest smile for me. He always wakes in such a lovely mood, and since he lets me sleep a bit longer I'm also in a great mood, compounded by that delightful smile on his face. It's nothing but sunshine.

On the way home last night we got stuck in traffic and made it home an hour and a half later than planned. I eventually had to feed our crying baby in the car and couldn't burp him. He also pooped, and I couldn't change him. I kept telling him I was sorry. He eventually quieted down about 30 minutes away from the house and then fell asleep about 10 minutes before we arrived home. Full of gas and soiled. This kid is a champ. Of course we had to wake him to change his diaper, and then bathe him to help him back to sleep (In a strange bed) and other than a wee cry he did it.

My baby is so mellow, like literally my dream child.

A Revelation

So I'm at my in-law's on the lake. This trip has been in the works for maybe a month and for the month I've been on the fence about it. I only really thought about how much I'd have to pack and getting Jack used to a new place and not having access to all my stuff.

Gorgeous evenings at the lake.

But what a great day I've had, one of the best in a long time. Having people around, family members who can lend a hand or take an interest or talk to, makes a world of difference. I'm not lonely or isolated and I'm eating normal meals at normal times. I got dressed and brushed my teeth. I can enjoy my baby.

This must be what it's like when you raise a baby around family. I'm getting a taste of what that must be like, what sort of socializing and support I'd have if my mom were alive and around. The unnatural feeling I've been having, questioning my motherhood, it's gone. After one day, I feel great. I miss the Dude, who couldn't come due to work, but other than that I don't feel drained and exhausted. Rather I feel able to properly enjoy the evening rather than recover from the day.

With the weight of loneliness lifted from me, I could really appreciate Jack and all the little things he does, like gripping toys and his giggles. Today he started rolling onto his side. It was so sweet and amazing to me to see him struggle and finally succeed, and then fine tune it. Soon he'll get himself onto his tummy. Sharing this milestone with people around me who care felt good.

It's nice to know there's nothing wrong with me, only my living situation. Staying home with a baby isn't unpleasant. Doing it alone is.

Baby Road Trip

Taking a baby out of town for the weekend requires as much planning as a week-long road trip. My mother-in-law wanted to throw Jack a party, akin to a shower, and my own family wanted to meet the boy so the Dude and I figured we'd get it all done in one shot, one car rental, one weekend.

Sweet Jesus.

So, everyone knows a baby needs a lot of stuff. They don't sleep in regular beds, eat regular food or use the toilet. So one must provide provisions. Enter the Pack-n-Play, swaddles and fan (For white noise); bottles, formula, breast pump, bottle brush and kettle; and diaper, wipes (disposable because I wasn't about to wash cloth diapers on the road, areyoukiddingme), and changing pad.

Then his clothes. Babies expel fluids all over themselves. I packed Jack a knapsack of clothes, pyjamas and receiving blankets. He also needs a bath to fall asleep at night, so we packed his baby tub too. And leaving for the weekend without his vibrating bouncy chair would be foolhardy because otherwise we'd barely be able to sit him down, so that came too and it doesn't fold down or anything.

So we had a game plan. This list was created of all we'd need for Jack (Plus, you know, a suitcase for ourselves) and we figured we'd pack the rental car, bathe the baby at 7:30 like we always do and go. Babies sleep in cars.

No, not our baby. He'll sleep like a dream at night, but turns out he's particular. He likes to be flat and swaddled and then he'll drift off all night. But car seats don't allow for either of those things. Kiddo was awake and miserable till 10:30 p.m. when we pulled into destination one, my mother-in-law's place.

The Dude set everything up while I changed Jack and MIL did her best to be quiet, but found it hard to contain her excitement since it was her first time meeting her new grandson. Unfortunately, he wasn't up for cuddles from someone new and it was one of those occasions where he wanted his mom. I rocked him to sleep very quickly and felt very motherly.

The party MIL threw was lovely. Her sisters all came, plus the Dude's best friend and his mother. Jack got so many adorable things for when he's a little older and the wisdom of throwing the party after his birth was obvious, since we already had everything we needed for the next few months. My particular favourite was the little yellow raincoat from MIL. All he needs now are little yellow rubber boots.

Packing things up from MIL's was as ridiculous as it was from home, only more so because 20 minutes away from her house she called because we forgot, of all things, his formula among other essentials. Jack isn't fond of the car, and so this was 40 minutes of extra time on the road with a cranky infant. I had to sit in the back with him to keep his soother in his mouth and otherwise calm him down.

At my aunt's Jack was in bed at a sensible hour and I indulged in white wine. Opportunities to enjoy wine are few and far between. The Dude drinks very little and I can't down a bottle on my own. I haven't felt a buzz in somewhere around a year's time. Oh, it was nice.

What was also nice is how much over the weekend Jack was held and loved by so many different people. Not only was it good socialization for him, but it gave me a break, much needed after all that frazzling time on the road.

We were smarter about leaving town, slightly. We popped into see the Dude's grandmother and made it on the highway around 6:00. We'd planned on 5:00, but, yeah. Babies. We got Jack in bed by 9:30 and he slept till 8:30 this morning, obviously exhausted from his first trip.

Our next big outing (though nothing compared to this past one) will be strawberry picking. I'm a makin' some jam! Also, it would be a good chance for Jack to wear his spiffy new hat.

That giant apple's got nothing on that cute hat.

Groupon Relaxation Staycation: Voucher 2

I have redeemed voucher numero two at The Happy Foot Spa. What a... happy experience.

I started my lovely vacation day with lunch with McPal. We hit this truly amazing crepe joint in Yorkville. It had smoked salmon. Anything with smoked salmon is delightful.

The second part of today was a trip to the AGO to see the Picasso exhibit. This was also sort of a Groupon, as the Dude and I bought a dual membership last year for $60. We've seen two special exhibits a piece, thus justifying the cost.

It was kinda wild. These weren't his famous works, but his own personal collection. Some of them were incredibly vivid. Others were sort of... meh. Rather than a view of the works that sold or made an impact, these were like his journal, this was his idea of his own progress and journey. I read that he was a genius and he knew it. I wonder what it would be like to be a genius. I think plenty of people think they are and live with that belief, but to actually be one coupled with that kind of confidence would be crazy.

I spent about an hour in there. I'm not one for lingering in art galleries. I view, I read, I do a little sitting, and then I hit the road. Some people like to hang about and, I suppose, try to get their money's worth. But as much as I enjoy viewing fine art, I get antsy. When I'm done, I'm done. And being alone, I could leave at my leisure.

En route to Happy Foot, I spontaneously decided to make an appointment to donate blood. Hell, why not! I'm on vacation! Heh. I've always wanted to, but I never seem to be able to make the time. So that's tomorrow, and afterwards I'll enjoy a guilt-free cupcake to get my blood sugar up. Hee! And before my workout. I hope that exercising a few hours after donating blood isn't a stupid thing to do.

And finally, the foot reflexology. Goodness me. Now that was relaxing. Foot soak, shoulder massage, and total foot and leg attention. I could easily see myself going back. I felt like jelly, nearly feel asleep in the chair. I love spas. I heart indulging myself. The woman at the blood clinic asked me if I was 17 so I could donate. I had the joy of telling her I was turning 30 this year. I sometimes fancy I've held off the clock on aging with all the skincare and soothing things I've done over the years. I got my first facial when I was 20.

But really, I think I just have a baby face. Hopefully some day there won't be a reckoning. Like when I have kids, maybe then suddenly and terribly I'll look my age and more.

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. Vacation always flies by. This year, frankly, is tumbling past me. But that is a subject for another post.

Groupon Relaxation Staycation: Voucher 1

My Groupon Relaxation Staycation has arrived! Including the weekend, I've been off a total of four days. I've redeemed one of my Groupons thus far. I got a facial and hair treatment at The Andrea Olivera Centre for Ayurveda Rituals. Price: $49.

I've had facials before, but this was a different sort of experience. It was sort of ritualistic, with scents representing different spiritual feelings or ideas. It's based on a practice that's thousands of years old from India. I'm pretty game to try things, particularly if it'll be relaxing and will make me pretty.

Funny thing, was it was located within a condo. This didn't bother me; it was a relaxing spot, but I wondered if that broke any zoning laws. The practitioner was a lovely man and I felt at ease. I got this nice-smelling oil rubbed through my hair and my scalp got some attention. The facial was similar to regular treatments elsewhere, though with maybe some more attention to my relaxation, which I liked.

When I left the place, I was red and splotchy. This often happens after a skin treatment, but in combination with my oil-slicked hair, I was pretty scary looking. Frankly, I looked liked a leper. I quickly abandoned my idea of grabbing some lunch in the area. I don't know why I even considered it. It's never been a good idea.

Now, if I were a shampooer, my hair would be oil-free right now. However, I'm committed to "no poo", so I washed it with water only. I got out the comb, the boar brush, and I scrubbed. In the morning, I was still slicked, so I scrubbed again, using my Priya cleanser on the strands.

And now? Well, it's still a little oily. But! It's soft. It's so very, very soft. And the oil is nothing one more blitz with water won't take care of. My skin is also quite soft as well. Over all, I'd say it was a good experience. I'm in better condition than how I went in.

12 more days off, 3 more vouchers, 1 happy lady.

Staycation Plans

Three days of work until my Groupon Relaxation Staycation™. I have the following things planned via Groupon:
A facial and scalp treatment at The Andrea Olivera Centre for Ayurveda Rituals.
Foot reflexology at Happy Foot Spa
A manicure and pedicure at Lux-Spa
A five course dinner for two at Rosewater.

In addition, the Dude and I are going antiquing at Aberfoyle Antique Market in Guelph, I'm going on a shopping trip with my best friend in Syracuse, and I'll be seeing the Picasso exhibit at the AGO.

I've signed up for six months of training at The Motion Room (yet another Groupon deal. I initially got 12 sessions for $40), so I'll also be working out, plus gardening, plus seeing the Dude's parents when they visit and going to a friend's wedding.

Now, I've talked about what a hermit I am, and looking at my vacation schedule there will be all of one day where nothing is planned. This should be an interesting couple of weeks. I think it'll be re-energizing. I so often feel like I don't get out enough or do anything. I'm tired or lethargic a lot. The Dude and I often talk about how old we are. We went out last week and realized it was Friday night and people were actually out doing stuff. We normally stay in, order food and watch a movie.

If entering your 30s means you tend to slow down a bit, I'm already there, man. I was born 30. But I need to get out more and enjoy the city I live in and get jazzed about life in new ways. This time off will be packed full of enjoyable things that should get me excited about starting my day.

I am also acutely aware of the fact my childless days are numbered. No, I'm not pregnant. But when my period was two days late, I considered perhaps I was. And then when it came, I actually felt a little disappointed. Which is how I know I'm ready. I want to save up more money first and make the most of the last year in my 20s, hopefully go on a trip with the Dude and all that good stuff. But seriously... if things came ahead of schedule, I'd embrace it.

All the more reason to take pleasure in me time while I've still got it, free and clear. I'm really feeling 29. I've started writing my novel, I'm getting in shape and finally taking some time off so I can have some fun. Rock on.

Groupon Staycation

I am taking a Relaxation Staycation next month. For two weeks in mid-March, I will be using spa-related Groupons to chill out all over the city. So far I have three: a facial, foot reflexology and a pedicure. Way I see it, if I can get a massage, a manicure and something else delightful I'm set to go.

I've been Grouponing it up as of late. I'm pretty sure the company's going to go under soon enough, so best to get as much use of it while I can. I bought 12 training sessions at The Motion Room for something like $39. You make an appointment to train in a small group, get personal attention from someone to show you how to do the exercises right and ensures you don't slack off. For someone as lazy and undisciplined as myself, this suits my needs. I've had three classes and two were great.

The first one was awful, but that wasn't their fault. I was backed up a la IBS and after 20 minutes, my abdomen was doing clenching agonizing waves and I thought I would puke. I lost all the colour in my face, which is quite something because I have so little, and staff rushed over to me. I had to sit, and because I was shaky from exercise, my hands were rattling as I reached for water. Because I was nauseas I couldn't articulate very well, and due to embarrassment I could only manage cryptic explanations.

They took my blood pressure, which was normal, and I went home feeling ridiculous. Half a bottle of Citro-Mag later and I was ready to try again. I've been sore, which is good, and I think the remaining nine workouts are going to go well. I'm seriously considering making a commitment to this place. I respond well to programs that build in accountability. I can't be trusted to exercise entirely on my own.

But back to the Staycation, I sort of accumulated a glut of vacation time. I was earning three weeks a year and taking about two, which caused the days to pile up. My company changed hands, which altered the vacation tally and suddenly I had something like seven weeks to take. And now I'm earning four weeks a year, so if I don't get on this, I'm going to have more time than I'll be able to manage taking. And what's the point of having the days if you don't use them?

I took a week before my wedding, a week at Christmas and a week for the honeymoon. And still I was swimming in time off and for some reason wasn't taking it. And that's just silly. But what's pretty cool is that not since school have I had two weeks off for vacation. I'm seriously looking forward to this. My last year in my 20s is a great time to take a rejuvenating break. And frankly, a good time to get in shape. And if I finish my book (30,000 words, y'all!) then I'll have really entered my 30s with a real bang, and good health to boot.

I'll blog about my Relaxation Staycation when it happens in less than a month (squee!)

Oh, and quite randomly, here is a picture of my hair. It's not been shampooed since I got it coloured back in February, and I often only use hot water now, with only occasional use of Priya Means Love or baking soda and apple cidar vinegar. I'll make a more in-depth entry about that soon:

It's seriously never been this healthy before.

Le Honeymoon

Relaxing at Xel-Ha.

We're home!

What a lovely and relaxing holiday. Great wedding, wonderful honeymoon. Everything's bitchin'. And I'm sunburnt. That part ain't so grand, but otherwise I'm feeling spiffy.

I got burnt the last day I was there. I'm not sure how. I had sunscreen on and I spent most of the time in the shade. But I got crisped all up my thighs and around my armpits. The backs of my hands are also very red. When I got home I made a matcha tea bath and soaked, hoping it would take my burn down. It did cool my skin, which was nice.

But let me describe the week. Every day was something special and fun. Sunday we had a special honeymooners' dinner after spending the day relaxing by the pool.

Monday we went to Tulum and swam in the warm teal waters by the ruins. That was wicked. However, I think I still have sand in my hair. Afterwards we ate some good Mexican food at a nearby restaurant and took the Collectivo home.

Tuesday and Wednesday we went to the spa. We had $1,500 resort credits and spent them all at the resort spa. Massages, facials, wraps, etc. And it was a huge spa experience. Usually with the day spas I go to, you go to the spa, get your service and go home. At this place you can show up an hour early and do the hydrotherapy.

You go in the sauna, then a cool spray in the shower. Then the steam room, cool spray in the shower. Then the hottest hot tub. Then a walk through the cool mineral water. Then the other somewhat cooler hot tub. Then the mineral foot soak.

And after all that, you go in for your service. You leave feeling like a new person.

Thursday we went to Xel-Ha. It's a natural aquarium-type place. You can cliff dive, swim in cenotes, snorkel, zip line and so on. You can eat and drink all day. It's gorgeous and immaculately clean. There were hammocks and beach chairs all over, parrots and lizards, grottos and inlets. There were many walking trails and a bike path. You could ride the river down the park, through this beautiful canopy of vines and tree branches.

I attempted to do the cliff jump. It was 4 metres high and I couldn't do it. I was gung ho, thinking, oh yeah, I got this. See, I thought it'd be like the 3-metre diving board at the pool. But it wasn't. I physically tried to jump, my heart was in it, my brain said yes. My body said no. I felt my body restrain itself against my decision.

So weird. But I think I've reached a point in my life where my ability to take these sorts of risks has passed. Self-preservation has kicked in and leaping from cliffs is not doable. I've never been the person who did extreme things and I'm thinking starting in your 30th year is not really going to work out.

I realized also that bungee jumping and sky diving, thoughts I'd entertained, were definitely now not going to ever happen. If you can't jump 4-metres into water, water that is deemed deep enough and marked for your safety, then anything higher is not gonna fly. Oh well. There's always rollercoasters.

Our last day was Friday. It was the Dude's birthday and he did a spa treatment, and that's when I got burnt, while lounging by the pool, listening to A Game Of Thrones on my iPod. We went out to dinner, had the Mayan coffee,which was a performance in the making of it, and sadly packed our bags. We were being picked up at 7:05 the next morning.

The trip home was a real bummer, not just because we were leaving, but because the transportation was 40 minutes late and when we got there our plane was delayed by two hours.

And now we're home, relaxed and calm. I'm feeling ready to re-tackle my work with renewed energy, the Dude is readying himself for a busy month and we're really mellowed out.

I kept up my no shampoo commitment as well. It was hard, with the sands of Tulum haunting my scalp, but I managed.

And now back to the real world.

Try

It is colder than Frosty's asshole out there.

It's also the last day of my vacation. Tomorrow it's back to the grind. So to stretch out my day and make it feel more indulgent I redeemed a Groupon for a manicure/pedicure in Mount Pleasant. And it was pleasant, the neighbourhood and the nail salon. It was called Fabulous Manicure Bar, which is not the most appropriate name, I think. Not because it wasn't fabulous, but because the best adjective would be "charming". But I suppose Charming Manicure Bar isn't so catchy.

Going out into that freezing abyss was total crap, though. My god, it got cold fast. It felt blistering out there, the kind of chill that really penetrates your bones. I have an incredibly warm coat, which is mandatory in this country, but still.

I have the rest of the day to spend as I please. I need to do some more drawings for my aunt's book, so that's on my to-do list. But I also want to write. I have made a practice of blogging these past few years, which has been very helpful in keeping me in practice. I think it's important not to get lax about it. I did that with my drawing and it doesn't come quite so easily now, not the creative part. I don't want writing to become a struggle. If you can't write creatively, forget it.

Really, though, my problem is motivation. My biggest obstacle is myself. I'm not a go-getter. I enjoy being comfortable. I'll do what I need to in order to get comfortable and then stay there, more or less. I don't shoot for the stars. I enjoy my life, I love my free time, but sometimes I really think I should be attempting more, just to really try, see what I can do.

Vacay

I think I need a vacation. I've taken some time off here and there, and I have three- and four-day weekends coming up in October and I have the week before my wedding off. But none of this is a vacation. Time spent not working is beneficial, but I need to actively relax.

I think about my work day in the evening. I feel out of sorts in the afternoon, thinking about work. Considering I don't have a high-powered job, I think this is a bad sign as I'm neither a perfectionist nor a workaholic. I believe in working to live, rather than the reverse, and that the personal life I have trumps my professional one in overall importance. So my focus on work is making me anxious and I think I'm getting burnt out.

I was just able to crack my wrist in a totally weird way. It's so rough. My right hand no long makes an easy fist and I've lost some power in my grip. Combined with the aches and stress, I think I could easily spend a week at a spa, letting them mould and rejig me back into proper working condition. If only.

I've often thought that if I had been born in an earlier time, I'd be dead by now. I had tonsillitis, pneumonia and appendicitis and I deal with a host of nonsense and a foolish sleep schedule that has never made sense. If the infection, the fluid-filled lungs or burst organ wouldn't have got me despite a lack of modern medicine, the tribe would have given the likes of me the boot by now.

Really, what I could use the vacation from is my body. Ha!

Jendra In The House

September is upon us. What used to be the new school year and mark the end of vacation has become the start of a new vacation schedule at work. I'm not sure how many days I have accumulated. I know that I get roughly four weeks per year. I also know I don't take as much time as I ought to. I have this nervousness about not having any time off available for god knows what might crop up.

Nothing ever does crop up. Things generally get scheduled around these parts. I'm not sure why I don't just take two weeks and do nothing. Well, I suppose it has to do with the fact the Dude doesn't get paid vacation and I'm not going to travel without him, and that's what I really want to use my holidays for: travel.

I want to go to France. I need to see Italy. I have a desire to visit Iceland. And the cities I very much want to see outside of those countries are Prague and Vienna. So five items of interest. I wish I could take two months and just make it happen. With a bank account to handle such an excursion, of course. Ah, dreams.

I've been mostly alone all week. The Dude has been away for consecutive business trips to help his boss photograph wind farms in small towns that are comprised mostly with truck drivers passing through, eating at diners where food is fried thrice. And now he's a couple hours away doing food shoots. He's home tomorrow.

And my IBS acting up has made me squeamish about leaving the house, and it's made my clothes fit poorly. All home and no people makes Jendra a... well, a hermit I guess, which is nothing new, but I don't like when it's not self-imposed. I miss the Dude. We're going to spend all of Labour Day together doing only things we want to do and generally basking in each other's company.

But for now... sleeping alone stinks.

The Long Weekend

Long weekends are the lifeblood of adulthood. Children in this hemisphere get two straight months off in summer, plus March break and Christmas vacation. We typically get, if we're lucky, two to three weeks in the whole year.

Though, if your parents were smart, they made the transition more gradual and less jarring by forcing you as a young teen to find work over the summer, babysitting, mowing lawns, a part-time job. Then a part-time job after school throughout the year, which would become full-time in the summer to save for college. Then full time jobs between college semesters, which is four months straight of 40-hour weeks.

By the time you're 22 and out of school and unemployed, you're thoroughly demoralized and ready for the workforce. Time off is not fun because it means you have $0 and it's horrifyingly expensive and you'll take just about anything.

So here we are.

I've been at my job for six years. That's around the time the benefits of longevity kick in. I now have four weeks of vacay. It's not the two months of carefree summer of my youth, but when would that ever be possible again? Retirement, I guess, but with less energy and more applesauce.

The Dude has been working like a maniac. He's been accepting weekend work, making him work six days straight with only one day off, or worse, the whole weekend resulting in 12 straight days. While I admire his gusto for his career, I realize I alone am monitoring his physical and mental health. He's too busy to realize he's ruining his health.

So this three-day weekend was a godsend. I claimed the entire three days from any work, labour or undesirable activity. It was my mission to play a fun few days for him to finally get some rest, partly for his happiness, partly for mine so he could stop being Captain Grumpy. All work and no rest makes Dude a dull boy.

We're on the last day and he's mellow yellow. We'll be capping this weekend of fun and activity off with drinks at a pub with friends. And then True Blood.

Thing about adult life seems to have a theme of quality over quantity. There's not a lot of quantity to be had, really, not of the things you want, like recreation or vacation. So it's either plan for quality or get nothing.

Tulum

This will be my last post about Mexico. After this, I'll have covered everything. Ah, the hanging on mentally to a vacation. Escapism at its finest.

My favourite excursion was Tulum. There are some really spiffy ruins there. Now, the Dude and I didn't know this, but we could have taken the Collectivo for $6 and then paid another $6 for admission to this place. $12 each would have been awesome. But we got a bus and a guided tour. Educational and fascinating as it was, it was $33 more expensive a piece. Live and learn.

But shaking off the finances of it all, there were sights that were picturesque.

A photo barely does it justice. It was like existing inside a postcard.

My favourite part, though, was the beach.

All my life I've wanted to go swimming in warm aqua waters with amazing waves. I used to get wildly jazzed over white caps at the beach when I was a kid. But the water was always a little chilly and Ontario is not known for its sparkling water. Even Picton Beach, one of the nicest around the province with its white sand dunes, isn't amazing, just much better than its neighbours, which don't set the bar too high.

Am I a little down on Ontario lakes? Can't help it. They're large and they look nice on property, but cold, polluted water full of seaweed doesn't beg to be swam in.

So you can imagine my excitement-- no, my euphoria when I saw this:

My heart skipped a beat.
This was what I'd been hoping for.

The beach at the resort had lovely water that wasn't too cold, and was clear enough to see shimmering schools of fish passing through. But there were large man-made rocks further out to break the waves and keep the waters calm. So while it was relaxing, it wasn't dream-fulfilling.

But Tulum? Tulum was it. The water was warmer than at the resort, the waves were unbroken and full, and the sand? My god, it was soft and silky on my feet. I ran into the water and was hit by the warmest wave I'd ever felt, and it soaked me. I've been enchanted by various natural locations before and touched by villages or cities or forests. But this was like falling in love for the first time.

Some people have big dreams. I suppose I do too, but I also have a number of small ones and swimming at this beach was quite literally a dream come true. I threw myself into the waves. Some overtook me, others sucked me under and all thrilled me and filled me with joy.

Me getting hit by a delicious wave.
The woman in front followed me around and fed off my enthusiasm.
The Dude had a hard time getting a video or photo without her in it.

In the end, I still don't think I got enough time there. When the Dude said we had to go, I regressed into a child and begged for five more minutes. When that was up, I had to suck it up and go, or we'd miss our bus.

I think I was only out there for 30 minutes, but it felt like 10. I'll never forget that beach. I'll be back. I don't care if I'm old as fuck, I'll be back.

Coba

I'd like to talk about my excursions in Mexico. The Dude and I dropped nearly $200 a piece on leaving the resort for awesomeness and adventure. The first one was a trip to Coba, where there is this massive ancient monument, dangerous as all Jebus heck to climb and even more nerve-racking to get down from. My uncle and my younger cousin went along too.

Oh yes. Uneven steep steps and no rails.

I climbed up those steps, if they can be called that, the way a toddler would scale the stairs at the Scotiabank Theatre. Practically on my hands and knees, I trudged up, looking up occasionally and whimpering that I had so much more ground to cover. I also had a shoulder beach bag with me, which hindered my progress and gave me an edge of fear for my life as I escaped tripping over it multiple times en route.

The tour guide had said, "At your own risk you go up. I wash my hands."

But when I got to the top... wow. Dude. What a view.

Seeing this at the top filled me
with so much joy and accomplishment.

Everyone got there ahead of me. We marvelled at the sight for awhile, and the climb up was worth it. However, going down was... rough. Yeah, it was a bit of a journey. I went down on my rump, not in an incompetent skiing way, but with slow purposeful movements, designed to keep my sorry ass alive. Each step was as high as my knee and about the depth of my foot. Width was my only advantage, and those coming up and down went around me. I stayed close to the rope in the middle, in case of dire need. Good thing I don't get vertigo.

I really don't think these pictures truly capture
the magnitude of this place.
I don't think that's possible.

After the ruins, we ate at a Mayan restaurant. Good food. There was this chicken that was wrapped in banana leaves, which had been cooked in the ground. It was pretty tender, juicy, spicy and full of heaven and rainbows. Eating real Mexican food for the first time made me realize how diluted our Northern version is. Which is kind of a bummer because the Northern version is all there is up here.

We ended the day by going to a cenote. It wasn't a cave type, which at first bummed me out, but actually is kind of for the best. To go swimming we needed to wear life jackets. At first I scoffed, but when I realized there was no shallow water, I was grateful everyone needed to wear one, and not just me. 'Cause I really needed one. My cousin and I took a dip.

The water was like crystal.

Growing up in Ontario, I've never seen water like this. Discoloured, sure, but due to pollution, not nature. It was essentially a huge mineral bath. When I got out, I felt amazing. Part of it was no doubt the refreshing swim, but it was more than that. I was energized and I just felt... great. My cousin agreed. It was hard to explain the difference we felt, only that we felt better.

And yet this wasn't my favourite excursion. That came the next day. The Dude hasn't loaded up the pictures yet, so I'll wait to get into it.

My uncle was lamenting he was out of shape after resting from our jaunt up the mountain of steps. Way I figure, if you can climb that thing at all, you're in reasonable shape. Also, pretty sure I worked off some of my vacation snacking and drinking. Validation plus justification plus undeniable exercise. Worth every penny.

Family Vacation

So one of the best parts about Mexico was seeing my family again. I see my father's side a few times throughout the year, but the few people that comprise my late mother's side live across the country. I'm lucky to see them once a year, and it takes over five hours and $500 to make it happen.

I grew up with my two cousins and usually no more than two days would pass without me seeing them. They were more than cousins, they were closer to siblings. My oldest cousin has been like a sister to me, complete with her hand-me-downs, me bugging her and driving her crazy and looking up to her as she hit life's milestones ahead of me. My youngest was like a little brother who drove me less crazy than the one I had. He and I would exclaim, "Harold!" "Martha!" and then embrace in a dramatic hug.

We went on small vacations together. My aunt was like a second mother. She was over at my house growing up all the time. No one needed an invitation. We dropped in on each other constantly. Sleepovers were frequent.

So when the Dude and I checked in, we had hours to wait until our room was ready. We munched on some burgers from the snack bar and waited in the lobby. I didn't know what time they'd arrive and I was antsy to see them.

You can imagine my joy when we found them. Sometimes you don't let yourself think about how much you miss someone until you know you're going to see them any minute. Then your heart starts to dance and time slows down and that first hug fills you with what you've been missing, in my case, for a year and a half.

I'll wax poetic about the food, locations, the room and wedding, but today it's about family. Attending the wedding was sweet and something I've been looking forward to my whole life. Next time I'll see them will probably be for my wedding. I've always been right behind my cousin, and I'm glad she married first. I wouldn't have it any other way. It sort had been a rhyme and rhythm growing up and watching her marry her husband felt right.

I get married in a year. One more reason to look forward to it is I'll see my family again. I used to get bummed out about living far from my brother, and my cousins. Growing up alongside them gave me some of the best childhood memories I could have asked for. I know my children won't know theirs in that same way. It won't be the same. But looking around I've realized that our closeness was special and atypical. It can't be reproduced again for my own family someday.

I've never been good at letting go of the past. But I think in times like these, that's a good thing. The only thing that was missing was my brother. He couldn't make it and without him there, our quartet was incomplete. Again, I'll wait for my wedding for that to happen. It won't be the same, but it'll be sweet.

Home from happiness

I'm back from my vacation. It was phenomenal. So good was it, in fact, that I'm actually kind of bummed to be home. I think I could have stayed another full week, you know, if I had the money to pay for it plus some more excursions, the time off, and so forth. But yeah, waking up in my own bed, while a comfier model than the one the Dude and I have been sleeping on in Mexico, was kind of a bummer when we couldn't get up and walk to a ready-made breakfast.

Being spoiled is lovely sometimes. I ate a lot, I really did. Normally I try to watch my portions better. I'm nearly 28 and I don't want to be flubby as my metabolism slows down. But I could not help myself in the face of deliciousness. There were several days I just threw caution to the Riviera wind and figured to hell with my waist circumference.

I spent a couple afternoons on the beach in my red retro one-piece watching the waves, reading a book on a lounge chair under a grass umbrella and drinking pina coladas and coco bananas. I spent evenings with my family: my aunt and uncle and one of my cousins. The other, who was getting married, was far more busy. She had not only family there, but a large slew of friends. We had some time together getting ready for her wedding, but mostly her time was spread amongst over a dozen other people. I can't imagine how tired she must be, but lucky for her she's got another week there with her new husband.

I have a lot to tell, I really do. I have photos to share, and specific things to recount. I'll get to them in the next couple posts. For now, I need to think about getting some food into me. I kind of got out of the habit of planning ahead for meals this past week, so breakfast needs my full attention. Probably there's no scrambled eggs, pancakes with maple syrup and sliced melons waiting for me in my kitchen today.

Kitteny goodness

It's taking a lot of willpower not to adopt kittens. I miss Smokey so much and I want kitties in the house again. The lack of responsibility, I'll admit, is pleasant, but my cats were always worth it to me to have to buy their supplies, pay for vet visits, change litter and, in the end, give insulin injections.

My favourite thing was lounging in bed or on the couch with the Dude and the cats, and I'd feel like a happy little family. All my nurturing instincts are goin' nowheres. I want something fuzzy to cuddle.

But like I said, willpower. That and common sense. When we get home from Mexico (OMG leaving Sunday morning, w00t!!1) I am going to order my wedding dress, which means not having enough monies offhand to stock up on new kitten thingies. And then when we go to our hometown for Christmas, we'll stay for several days instead of rushing home early. It'll be the first time that's even possible for me since I was 20, when I first got my cats under my care alone. So of the few new advantages to not having a pet, it'd be stupid not to enjoy them.

But that doesn't mean I don't yearn for a furry meowing ball of joy to snuggle. Oh, I do.

I am aware I'm not over my Smokey. I still sometimes cry about him. It's only been a little over two weeks and I'm still adjusting. I keep expecting to see the litter box or the water dish and it still makes me sad when I remember they're not there.

I want to get cats that I'll be ready to appreciate for who they are, and not as replacements. I take pet ownership very seriously. So I'm not ready. And I'll continue to stifle my desires in the interest of being sensible. That doesn't mean I haven't been fawning over kitten adoption photos online, though. I'm sensible, not dead.

I likely won't post again till I get home from my trip. I intent to stay off the internet all week, otherwise I don't think it'll be much of a vacation.

Pride, prejudice and sleeping in.

It's two days before New Year's Eve and I've spent the last couple days doing absolutely nothing. This morning I slept in yet again, made tea and started re-rereading Pride and Prejudice. Actually, I started it last night in an attempt to lull my mind into sleepiness through reading complex classical English. No dice.

I love days like this, though, where there is nothing to do, nothing expected of me. Terrible thought: I have only a week until I'm back to work. Happy thought: I have a whole week of pleasant nothingness until I'm back to work.

When I was a teenager, I slept in rather epically too. Only then I had a mother who shamed me for wasting my life away in bed, and I had homework looming. Or if it was summer vacation, I had a job, babysitting, and softball to ensure I didn't throw my time away in front of the TV or sleeping.

Now I have no such restraints. I also get very little done. And I don't really care. I know I'm supposed to care. And yet I don't. Hell, even my dance school is on vacation, so I don't even have my weekly class. In many ways, my life for this past short while has resembled Smokey's. And doesn't everyone always say they want the life of a house cat? He's at my feet right now, lounging and no doubt weighing his options, all of them involving his comfort and leisure.

Today, yesterday and for a short time in the future, I am/ will be a zen house cat. Hear me meow.